Crimson Petals | Shin x Lena

2 | I Need You

Although Shin was not discountenanced, he felt his organs swell with acerbic flames. "I have no reason to," he countered, but he was met with the pistol being shoved into his hands, and then, brought directly to Lena's chest.

"You also have no reason not to," uttered Lena, whose lackadaisical voice was a glacial spear. "Is the most efficient decision to keep me alive when I let Kaie and the others die?"

Shin could feel the cold sweat from Lena's hands smudging onto his. "You're the reason why Kiriya Nouzen was put to rest, and why no further damage was caused. You're an invaluable tactician."

Lena's pupils were severed by her eyelids as she promptly revoked the pistol and pushed the muzzle to her temple. "Even if I have no intention of dying, I would die to prove my point. Would this be enough to open your eyes, Reaper?" Her hands did not tremble as her index finger tugged on the trigger ever so slightly.

She might just be that crazy, Shin realized. If she died... A pulsating sting constricted his sternum.

"Captain," Shin murmured, eyeing the pistol, "don't. I understand." His pulse continued to flick at his ribs when Lena simply tilted her head.

"What do you understand?"

Silence gripped Shin's throat like a python. I didn't really think about that. I understand that I'm not the person I see myself as? But I don't think that's true.

As Shin stood up from his seat with his hand beginning to outstretch, Lena uttered, "Another move, and I pull the trigger." Frost hissed from her voice.

I guess you really aren't the same person anymore. All this...just to make me admit something I don't want to? I don't agree with it, but I'll say it. What's my reason for saying it?

Suddenly, Lena remarked, "You look pretty conflicted for someone indifferent—"

"I'm not as indifferent as I thought," Shin admitted, forcing out the sentence that previously refused to budge from his throat.

A tingling wave washed from Shin's clavicle to his stomach as Lena returned the gun to her side.

"I won't forget you."

Releasing a long sigh, Lena bowed her head. "I was starting to worry I'd actually have to do it... Would you have done the same for the rest?" She lifted her head again.

Shin nodded slowly. I don't want to be left behind. One day, it's all going to happen, and I won't have a reason to live. I don't want to survive for that. I am happy. I've never been happier, but I don't want to lose these moments. I don't want to see them crushed before me yet again. I'd rather die now than have to watch these days rot, and see all my friends die. If everyone I know were to be wiped out in our mission tomorrow, I'd have rather died today than lived to see tomorrow. I can't predict the future. How many times has history repeated itself?

Although Shin's words clumped together in his throat again, he whispered, "I thought my reason to live would be enough to keep going, but even though I've never been happier...that happiness is what's killing me." He directed his gaze to his hands. "I don't want to watch it shatter in front of me again. I don't want to be left with nothing again. I don't want to lose everything I have again." He squinted his eyes.

"I don't want to die..."

I never planned on telling anyone my thoughts, but if she wants to hear them... His eyes flashed open as a soft, soothing warmth enveloped his hands. Her hands are warm. I'm not used to this feeling. Your kindness hurts, Captain. Why does it hurt? I don't understand. His body began to tremble.