Family Affairs

Her Story

I do feel guilty for starting the fight but I have so much pent up emotions that I just snap every time my mom would say something so insensitive.

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I wake up in the middle of the night, feeling hungry. Maybe I didn't eat enough because I was nervous about Karina checking on us in the restaurant? Even though that was her job and I'm making a big thing out of nothing?

I put on my robe and I leave my room to search for food. On my way to the kitchen, I pass by Yeji's room and I hear someone crying. I become curious and I quietly approach her room while listening closely.

After confirming that Yeji is crying, I start contemplating whether I should go in or not to see if she's okay. She might be the type to want to be alone when crying or she might be the type to want to talk someone? I did promise Beomgyu that I'll get along with Yeji but I don't know if this is appropriate.

I decided to go get some food while I try to figure out what to do. Can't think on an empty stomach.

I make myself a simple sandwich and when I finish, I get an idea. I go to our medicine cabinet and grab a couple of pills for indigestion then I grab a glass of water to bring with me.

I make my way upstairs and I stand in front of her room, wondering if I should follow through or not.

My wondering thought didn't last long when the door in front of me opens and I'm met with a puffy face Yeji.

"Hi" I panic so my voice cracks.

She quickly wipes the tears off her face then she wipes her hands on her shorts.

"Did I wake you up?" She looks worried.

"No" I look down because I feel awkward right now. I don't know this girl but I'm standing in front of her room in the middle of the night while holding a glass of water and medicine and I don't even know if she needs it or not. 

"I thought maybe you were crying because you have indigestion since the food at that place was kind of greasy" I realize how crazy I sound by using that excuse to see if she's okay. 

"Oh yea" she takes the medicine and water from me. 

"Are you okay?" I want to slap myself at this point because she's clearly not okay so why in the world did I think that was an appropriate question to ask?

"Uhm, yea" she answers even though we both know the truth and neither one of us are willing to admit the awkwardness out loud.

"Well, if you want to talk about anything, you know where my room is" I awkwardly chuckle. 

"Ryujin" she calls my name as I'm about to head back to my room. 

"Yes?" I face her.

She suddenly throws herself at me and she's crying again. I stand there while frozen since I'm not sure what to do. Do I hug her back? Do I say it's okay? Do I push her off? I really don't know anything about her but somehow I feel like I should be there for her. 

"Do you want to talk?" I ask and she nods her head while still embracing me. 

She let me go and we go into her room. She sits on her bed and I sit down next to her. I still feel uncomfortable with this whole thing because I don't know what to ask her. I don't how to start the conversation and I'm not sure what to expect. 

"I'm sorry" she's not crying anymore. 

"It's all good. Crying can be fun" I say. It probably wasn't the best thing to say but it's out there now. 

She chuckles but I know it's out of pity or she thinks I'm an asshole. 

"Do you want to tell me why you were crying?" I ask and I'm not sure if that was the right way to ask or if I seemed too nosy. 

"I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I feel lost and I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know if I'm making the right choice of keeping this baby. Why did I have to be so stupid that night? I feel bad too because Lia thinks she's responsible for all of this even though I've told her many times that she's not. I chose to go to that party with her and I made the decision of having sex with someone that night" she shares which surprises me. I didn't expect her to actually open up. 

I can understand what Lia is feeling because I somewhat feel responsible too for not stopping them at the party. 

"I just wanted one night to forget about all my problems but instead I made more problems for myself" she's tearing up again.

"What kind of problems were you trying to forget?" I ask and I feel like I'm not being sensitive enough and I don't feel like I'm really being there for her. 

"I was stressing out a lot because of school and my boyfriend at the time. I was so busy with school because I had to do well in everything or my parents would be disappointed in me. I had so much pressure that I felt like I was going to explode. Then my boyfriend wasn't understanding everything or anything I was going through. He was complaining about how I didn't have time for him anymore and that was his reason for cheating on me."

"Lia convinced me to go to the party and I've never been to that kind of party before. I don't know if it was the alcohol or if it's because I felt free that night for the first time but I decided to really let loose. Clearly, I was too loose" she sighs and I try not to make an inappropriate comment because I had other images in my head when she said she's too loose.

"Why did your parents kick you out though? You're still their daughter. Shouldn't they support you?" I ask because I'm curious about it. 

"I was no longer the daughter they wanted" she scoffs with her teary eyes. I can sense her anger and sadness. 

"They kicked me out and told me that I'm no longer a part of their family. They told me that they will no longer pay for my tuition and that I shouldn't bother finishing the rest of the semester. I understand being disappointed in me but kicking me out of the family? That shit hurts." 

"Lia was helping me since I was kicked out but I didn't think it was appropriate. I had to swallow my pride to tell your brother. I'm looking for a job but I had to make sure that I had somewhere to stay first. If it was just me then I would be okay staying anywhere but I am pregnant. I can't put myself in situations where it can harm the baby" she explains. 

I think Yeji has been hiding her feelings and emotions for too long because it all just came out tonight. I truly didn't expect to learn this much about her but I'm not mad. Everyone needs someone they can talk to. She has Lia but I think since Lia blames herself for Yeji's situation then she probably doesn't want to share that she's struggling. 

"If it makes you feel better, I don't think you have indigestion" I comment and she laughs. 

"Thank you for listening to me. In some way or another, I feel like you've had my back ever since we met. It didn't matter that your brother was involved, you took my side and made sure that he didn't take advantage of me. I don't know why but that meant a lot to me and the way you fought back against your mom when she asked if I was after their money and if I was keeping the baby."

I just smile at her.

I just realized why I've been so accepting of her. I can sense her loneliness. She was lonely even before the pregnancy news and her family disowning her. She didn't have to say it but I know she felt lonely because she wasn't living her life for herself. She was doing things to make her parents proud and now she's living her life for the good of the baby. 

I'm drawn to her because of my loneliness. I am not living my life for me. I'm not even living my life as my true self.