ᴘᴏʀɴ

Chapter 11

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☄. *. ⋆

TW: SELF HARM.

You swore the cold air of the AC just got colder.

Your hands grew numb from the countless comments you saw under each post, your eyes reflected the words that they wrote under their internet persona, harsh, hateful, and full of violence.

You often saw this happening to other people, you never expected it to be you. However, it somehow slipped your mind that Kim Taehyung is a famous model, that sooner or later someone would catch on to whatever you're having with him, whatever this relationship is called.

Your whole body feels cold, like you were drowning in snow, heavy, and you somehow can't pull yourself out of this. You knew you should stop reading, you knew it so well that you should stop this but you can't...

The curiosity of a cat is dreadful, your cursor scrolled down to each post, this is a feeling you wished you never even had to experience.

You blamed yourself for going with your intrusive thoughts, for giving into your desires. You told yourself, if you only knew this would've happened, if you only had some sort of future vision, if only...

You glanced at your phone that sat beside your laptop. The screen remained black, no missed calls, no incoming calls, and of course, no calls.

Jungkook has messaged you many times, asking if you're okay or if you need some time off, you appreciated his concern but at the moment you are drained. This is a shitty feeling and why hasn't he called you yet?

Comment after comment, post after post, you even became a trending hashtag on Twitter. Is this your big debut for internet stardom? This is shitty.

Your tears sounded like paint being splattered but instead of a canvas it's your laptop. Like the raindrop of a stormy sky, your tears never stopped. It never even halted. Alone in your apartment, you clung onto yourself, digging your nails into your skin, a habit you thought you've outgrown.

"Die." It's such a simple word, your lips unknowingly murmured the number one word you've seen in most of these post.

How are you going to work like this? You can't sleep, my dear Y/n, how could you close your eyes after this whole ordeal? Just like before, your nails digged deeper, your sharp, long, nails, clawed your skin.

You squeezed your arms, gently caressing the area, smearing the blood that trickled from your arm down to the floor.

It sounded just like paint being splattered on a canvas, instead of it being a canvas it's the floor of your apartment.

And instead of paint, it's the crimson hue of blood decorating your floor once again.

You've never grown up Y/n, you've always been a hurt child with big feelings... Sadness, pain, guilt, remorse, and immense anger for yourself.

You're all alone in this room, sitting in your own pile of tears and the blood you've forcefully shed.

So why won't he call you?

You cried harder, your body trembled with anger, not for him, but for yourself. How could you have been so stupid? Your breath became raggedy, you couldn't breath, it was hard to breath, you feel like no matter how deep you breath in it's never enough.

You couldn't see the words anymore, it's all gone blurry to you but you could still make out the most impactful word; Die.

And how you wished to die right at this moment. Why did you have to experience this pain? Did you deserve this? Questions upon questions filled your mind, most of it being your self worth.

The room is so cold, the touch of your salty tears flowing down your eyes made you shiver.

You stared at your keyboard, the letters that are in your name became bloodied, the screen had specks of red at random spots.

You are a mess.

You have never grown up.

You have never learned how to cope.

You have never learned anything.

While you were dying in your thoughts, while you were busy blaming yourself, while you were busy scrolling down through each post you never even noticed that the man you desperately wished to call you already had 5 missed calls and one incoming on your phone.

But in your head, he never called.

And you never heard the knocks on your door.

You never even noticed that you have somehow ended up on the last post, that it's all you've been staring at for the past 30 minutes. That damned picture of you and Kim Taehyung fulfilling a childhood dream of yours.

It's so dark in your apartment, you're so alone here, why have you gone back to Korea?

This hate is too much.

You just wanted everything to disappear, to hide and to never be seen again.

Your eyes have slowly been closing, this sense of heaviness and tiredness you just can't shake it off.

"This situation is shitty."

If you closed your eyes... Would this be over?

That just seems like a comforting thought.

There you sat alone, your eyes reflected the words of the feeling that's resonating with you the most, Die.