Visions Of Us

17| Right Side Of My Neck

Aurora

I'm worried about Julia. She's been more quiet these past days and when I ask her about it she just kisses me or changes the topic. I don't understand why she doesn't want me to be there for her. I want to be there for her but it seems like it's starting to get impossible to do so. I sent out application letters to three universities last week - NYU, Yale and Harvard - it would be a dream if I got into Harvard. It's been my dream school since I heard the name. Although, I would still be happy if I got into any of the schools I applied to because the acceptance rates are mostly low for all of them. However, even if I do I need to get in with a scholarship because I don't think mom has enough for my college tuition.

I quickly finish up my homework in the evening so I have time to explore downtown by myself. The snow covered trees are shaded under the sun, ice covers a nearby park like a blanket of white nothingness and cold breathes leave my mouth in a small cloud of air. Winter is my favorite season in the year because everything feels so intimate and close. Christmas is also a big factor that plays into why I love winter so much. The bell of the door rings when I entered the record-filled store, a few heads turn to look at me but then return to whatever they were doing. A group of girls with dyed hair giggle and chat as they look through various vinyl covers. I shoved a hand in my jacket and with my other, I flipped through vinyls trying to look for David Bowie's The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars album.

I checked every section and every corner of the store in an attempt to see if they had it and unfortunately they didn't. I clucked my tounge before making my way toward the register table. The blonde long-haired boy behind it looked up at me from his smart phone when I started talking to him.

"Do you guys have any David Bowie vinyls?"

Like he had heard this question many times before, he rolled his eyes. "It's out of stock"

"Do you know when it'll be in stock?" I pleaded with him.

He shrugged his shoulders and slumped back into his chair to stare at his phone. I released a sigh and let my shoulders slump before heading out of the store. Friends and families chat animatedly and whir past me but since the desire to explore downtown has become obsolete, I slowly walk with my hands in my pockets and my head down. Before I get back home, I grab a coffee for the way and a couple of warm and gooey doughnuts from a bakery to enjoy and eat at home. The house was dark and looked empty so I flipped the light on and went inside the kicthen where I saw mom sitting at the table. Bills are spread everywhere and my mom's face gives away everything. The dark circles under her eyes and the dull look in her eyes. We're having money problems again.

"Mom. Is everything okay?" I asked, giving her a kiss on the forehead before placing the bag of pastries on the kicthen counter "By the way I brought some doughnuts of you want some.

"Everything is fine honey and no thank you" she gave me a weak smile then got back to looking at the papers.

"Are you sure? They look really tasty plus they're still warm", I tried to enlighten the mood but I failed when mom didn't move an inch to look or respond to me "I'll be in my room if you need me"

I went up to my bedroom and closed the door behind me. My bedroom was tidy and neat just like my personality. You know how the saying goes "Your room is like a reflection of your mind". I fell face first on the bed with a heavy groan. I want Julia right now to comfort me in a hug or kiss. In times like these, I wished my dead dad was still here in this world. He was the light of everyone's life. Everyone loved him including his own family. After the incident, it seemed like some of the previous happiness in our family was sucked out of us. It had gotten better with the move but we all still miss him. Even if we pretend to not care anymore about his death.