A Taylor Christmas

Chapter 11 - Melancholic

As my knowledge grew over the years, I eventually realized that Will has been so deeply hurt in the past that it'd take nothing short of a miracle for him to ever really get over it and move on.

Sienna might have been such a miracle.

She certainly was our miracle, back then, after Mom died.

She was the glue that held the family together. The reality check we needed at times, usually when we were about to drown in self-pity and throw in the towel.

My twin sister always noticed it when someone struggled and pulled them back from the edge before they tumbled into their own personal black hole. It was like she had a sixth sense when it came to her brothers' emotional state.

Sienna was also a constant reminder that, just because things were tough or sad or made us upset, we should make an effort to laugh at silly things and celebrate life at any given opportunity.

The stabbing pain in my heart as these memories resurface almost makes me gasp. Almost.

Because, over the years, I've learned to live with this now familiar pain. I have learned to accept that it will never completely disappear but that it'll always somehow linger in the background, waiting for an opportunity to strike. Most of the time, it comes out of nowhere.

However, I was prepared for this to happen as I did expect it to hit me sometime today. And if not today, then it would have reared its ugly head tomorrow. Or, at the very latest, on Christmas Eve, for sure. In the past nine years, the pain has always come like clockwork during the holidays.

That's because...

The simultaneous sound of a door opening and a not very successful attempt at my name being whispered interrupts my melancholic train of thoughts.

"Sean?" my baby sister asks. "Are you still sleepin'?"

The lisp when she says "still" and "sleeping" is freaking adorable and I know right then that the smile on my face has given me away. Even if I wanted to, I could not pretend to still be asleep.

There goes the peace and quiet of this morning.

But I welcome the distraction, because my thoughts were just about to enter dangerous territory, one that could well have a negative impact on my mood for the rest of today. And the last thing I want is be upset or grumpy, now that I am finally back with my family.

Keeping my eyes closed for now, but with my face turned towards the door, I wonder if Lily has seen my change of expression when I had to bite my lip to not laugh out loud at her cuteness. I assume she did, as she's perceptive like that. A curious little thing who is always on high alert once something has sparked her interest. And it is a safe bet that she's very interested in me right now.

She absolutely loves bothering her poor brothers when they're peacefully asleep and therefore completely oblivious to her presence. I don't think there is anyone in this family who has yet to be on the receiving end of "accidentally" being woken up by her. Accidentally, because she always feigns innocence once you're awake and pretends that this was the last thing on her mind.

Scheming little minx.

Alex always worries that the boys are corrupting her, but in reality she has already been corrupted from a young age. Lily is like a sponge, soaking up anything she's told or witnesses and then she readily and often skillfully applies her newly acquired knowledge and tricks.

When her small hand touches my shoulder and starts shaking it carefully, it is near impossible to keep up the façade of still being in dreamland. But her gentle actions also make me think that maybe she hasn't yet realized that I am, indeed, already awake. I decide to wait just for the right moment to let her know.