Fixing - C.S

10

I place my cup on the coffee table and peel open the cookies, seeing the rows of chocolate chip cookies made me smile a bit. I haven't eaten all day and this seems like the perfect thing to start with.

I grab the controller and flick on the TV, seeing that it was resting on the YouTube app and I decide to watch a movie, something cheesy and easy to make fun of. What better movie than Twilight?

I easily find it on prime video and I snuggle into the couch, grabbing my cup and resting it on the top of my knees that were propped up. The cookies were by my side and I picked one out as the movie began.

Footsteps.

I freeze, my pleased smile dropping as my head turns towards the stairs and I see a pair of black sweatpants making their way down the stairs. All of the warmth that was slowly building up in my chest went cold when I saw the white fabric wrapped around someone emerging from the darkness.

I slowly turn my head back towards the TV, deciding to act like I hadn't noticed them coming down the stairs as I prayed they wouldn't acknowledge me.

"Hey.."

I look back at the person, Chris.

His sunken eyes didn't meet mine, instead they stayed on the ground and his chapped lips were constantly getting nervously licked by his tongue. He would shift his body weight from left to right and pieces of his hair were slowly falling forward into his eyes. His hands interlocked in front of him with his shoulder slightly pushed up, as if he was tense. He was scared.

"Why are you up so late?" I whisper, not trying to spook him with a loud voice and he shrugs.

"Why are you?" His voice is rugged and scratched.

I don't respond, I can't tell him that I had to stay up to the wee hours just so I could be alone long enough to get some food. Guess that didn't work.

I turn my attention back to the TV, dipping my cookie into the milk then getting a glimpse of heaven when I gobble it down.

He waddles over to the other side of the couch, sitting down with a soft sigh and I see his legs tuck themselves against his chest. He holds his legs in place with his hands and he looks like a sad toddler that is so tired of crying.

His eyes glisten from the sheet of tears that must be permanently stained into his eyes, his flushed cheeks were illuminated from the bright screen of the movie. I couldn't help but feel that pity in my stomach, it made me want to throw up and I couldn't stand the feeling.

"You know.. you really scared me."

I breathe out, knowing that this confession is going to take long as hell. I don't want to hear his deep thoughts on what happened and what led up to it, but as a way of repaying him for almost getting him killed, I listen.

Wait- did he just say I fucking scared him?

"I scared you?" I furrow my brows because how could I have scared him? I was protecting him and suddenly I'm the monster?

He nods, "My brothers think that guy scares me, he does but.. you scare me even more." His voice was so fucking low and wobbly, it just made him look more weak.

I wanted to snap at him to stop, throw my cookies at him, run upstairs and never speak to him again but I owe him.

"I don't know, maybe it's because you weren't the slightest bit scared. Maybe because you had your own gun or.. because you kept yelling at me."

So. Fucking. Weak.

"When I first met you, I was actually really scared to hang out with you guys." He chuckles weakly, his eyes lifting up to the screen and I see the glisten of his tears.

"Fucking.." I breathe out under my breath, I really don't want to hear his sob story. I shouldn't even be the one he tells this to, I'm not the person you come crying to.

I flutter my eyes open, breathing heavily with my eyes on the screen. I don't think I could handle looking at him and I don't want him seeing how much he is making me angry.

He's weak so he needs this. Its a comfort to people, letting it all out- I remind myself.

"When it was just you and I at that bar and the park.. I really started to trust you, felt comfortable enough with you."

Then I felt it. The shift in my chest and the pain at the back of my throat.

Why the hell am I about to tear up right now?

I don't remember any of what he is talking about. I don't remember going to a bar or park with him, so there's no reason these memories of his should bring up fucking sadness.

He weakly turns his head to me, my head moving with his so we both face each other. The large distance between us didn't mean a thing because I was panting like a dog on a hot summer day and my heart felt like it was in my throat, the burning urge to let a tear slip still growing in my chest. I kept my appearance calm and unaffected, but I could only hold it for so long.

"But now.."

He didn't meet my eyes, he just continued to stare off into the house and his eyes looked so empty. He looked lost in his thoughts, like he wasn't even aware that he was speaking them out loud.

I could see my vision getting blurry and disoriented, I'm not going to be able to control myself for much longer. My chest is vibrating from how hard my heart is pounding, like it was trying to escape the pain it was suddenly feeling after all these years.

Chris seemed so empty. It was as if he was lost in a trance, something that engulfed him in a dark cloud and made his mind go blank but also allowed him to throw up a line of words. He was being so vulnerable right now and all I could do was choke on my own breath.

"You're like the Antichrist to me."

//