Siren's Song (A Joker Story)

23: Exploding Vehicle

"Didja hear of that new girl helpin' Joker terrorize the city?"

"Yeah, such a shame. Such a pretty face but such an evil heart. What a waste. Woulda made a good wife."

I snickered under my breath as I continued to walk behind the two bozos talking about me. They didn't even realize I was behind them, but then again, I was in disguise, dressed as one of Gotham's rich housewives, my false blonde wig hiding my red hair and my body dressed in a fine furry coat. Of course it wasn't a real animal. I wasn't down to have a dead thing on me unless I had killed it myself, and it was a human instead of an innocent animal.

"Which one's your car?"

"The black Audi in front of the pet shop."

"Wanna meet up at your car after you get the stuff? I gotta hit the liquor store."

"Sure."

I snickered to myself. "The stuff". The two men dispersed, and I crossed the street to walk by the pet shop and discreetly threw a small bomb under. The Audi exploded, and the two men rushed over, panicking. I had to try so hard to hold in my laugh, so I hurried to my car and drove back to the warehouse where I knew Joker would be.

"Your smile's bigger than mine," Joker grinned. "What's you do today?"

"Blew up someone's Audi. Looked new."

He started laughing, holding his sides. "That's a good one!"

I sat down on his desk and took out crayons, taking one of the blank papers and drawing a little stick figure family on it. He raised his eyebrow and took a hard look at it. "I'm drawing my feelings like Doctor Wilks told me to at the Looney House," I spoke with a mock innocence. He snickered, taking the paper and drawing the stick figures bleeding and dismembered. He wrote "HA HA HA" on the top of the page in large, red scraggly letters.

"Looks more realistic now," I spoke, running my fingers along the crayon markings. "to my actual thoughts, I mean."

"Good girl. Now, have you spoken to any of Penguin's henchmen lately?"

"Why would I?" I snorted. "The ones who are still alive haven't shown their face anywhere near our territory."

"We've gained more territory, then," Joker spoke, starting to color in his map of Gotham city a little further, showing which land we own.

"Well, not exactly. Doesn't Two Face have a gathering hall around here somewhere that he likes his henchmen to patrol? They weren't wearing their masks, but it's not like I don't recognize their clothing."

"Those morons wear the half black half white clothing in the day time?" He snorted. "No wonder I'm number one. Everyone here's an idiot."

"No, no, they have the same keychain in their left pockets. So they know each other outside of work. They think people won't notice, I guess. Anyways, they walk in the alleys, so we'd have to place our henchmen there. But I don't know how they'll all recognize each other without giving them something that's identical to the others."

"Now, now, my dear, you're thinking a little too hard now." He spoke lowly, starting to draw out something on a different piece of paper. It looked like words, but I couldn't read them, they were a little too messy. "Everyone knows each other by now, and if they don't recognize someone who claims to be one of us, or they're familiar but don't particularly look like one of us, we talk about this subject."

"What's the subject?" I questioned, scratching my head while looking at the words. He groaned and dropped the crayon onto the floor.

"Can't you read?"

"Not your writing, no. Is that English?"

He rolled his eyes playfully. "The subject is going to be Dachshunds. They're going to start talking about Dachshunds. They'll pretend to be on the phone near the person, or even confront them like a person who isn't a big baby, and the response will be "I have four of them."

I raised my eyebrow. "That's weird."

"You obviously don't know who you're dating then, toots," he cackled.

"Alright, fine, let's see how it works though. Seems a lot more complicated than the keychain."

"Yeah, well, if anyone's onto any of our guys, it's not like they'll all have a physical piece of evidence that links them to us, or to each other."

"Oooooh," I breathed. "See, this is why you're in charge."

"No, I'm in charge because you chose to take the rank below me instead of being your own villain," he snickered.

I smirked. "Maybe I will become my own villain. Have my own evil lair, piranhas in tanks surrounding my throne, behind me will be an even bigger tank acting as a wall with sharks in it. And hanging from the ceiling will be seashell lights, illuminating the walkway to me, where I sit surrounded by my mermaid looking henchmen—"

"Alright, calm down there Aquaman."

"Fuck Aquaman, he lives in Atlantis, doesn't he? He never comes near Gotham City. . . "I thought for a moment. "Okay, Aquaman's actually a little frightening, I don't see why people make fun of him so hard. Have you seen him fight? Like, on news stations?"

Joker raised an eyebrow. "I guess I'd be intimidated if I fought him."

I gave him a look. "You're such a guy." I slapped him lightly on his shoulder and gave him a small peck on the lips, going to my room to change.

"Oh, how rude," he sarcastically spoke as I left, a soft laughter escaping his mouth.  

~~

Nerd Moment: Seriously guys, Aquaman is a good superhero and probably one of the strongest superheroes to ever exist. He CAN come out of the sea. He's a very skilled fighter (fights throughout frikken TIME AND SPACE regularly), can mentally attack humans, has super strength and his soldiers are several times stronger than the average human. And think of how big the ocean is. That's ALL his. Like, come on guys. That's awesome. King of Atlantis. King of the fucking Sea. If that's not the coolest shit ever (besides Joker) then I don't know what is.

If people say Aquaman sucks, he's actually one of the strongest, most badass superhero EVER. Gotta read your comic books! Or do research. :)