Missing You → Charles Leclerc

𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 15

♫ 'Cause here I am
I'm giving all I can
But all you ever do is mess it up ♫

Charles Leclerc POV

I didn't see Leah for 2 days, I went to her apartment and knocked on the door. She answered in her typical pajama, a sweatshirt and that's it. I smiled and she looked surprised.

"Well, if you want your sweatshirts back that is not going to happen" She says standing aside so I could get in.

"They look better on you anyways. What have you been up to?" I ask as I followed her to her room. It all looked exactly the same, except her mirror wasn't there which was weird because she used to love it to take pictures of her outfits there.

"Just catching up on work. Missed me much?" She asks with a small smile and I knew something was wrong.

"Is everything okay?" I ask sitting by her side on the bed and she just nods calmly.

"I'm fine, I ran into your girlfriend the other day. I hope the stick she has up in her ass punctures a vital organ" She says and when I tell you I laughed, man I couldn't stop laughing.

"She is being a bitch lately, I'm sorry. Do you need me to talk to her?" I asked worriedly but she quickly shook her head.

"Nope. That will only bring her here again. What brings you here?" She asks finally looking me in the eyes.

"I missed you, you disappeared for 2 days so I came to see how you were. If it's about the kiss, I'm sorry if I put you in an uncomfortable position, I didn't mean to. I can't say I was too drunk, I wasn't. I got too drunk afterward so I wouldn't think about what I shouldn't. I'm being honest" I say nervously and I see her smiling.

"I know Charles. I was the one that kissed you, you seem to forget that. I left it behind, you should do it too" She says calmly and she picks the control remote so she could keep seeing Netflix like she was before I showed up.

"Why did you kiss me?" I ask and she doesn't look at me.

"I felt like it. I don't know. I was not too drunk but definitely drank enough to kiss you even though I shouldn't"

"I know it was wrong of me to want to kiss you because I have a girlfriend. But it was never the same. They couldn't understand me the way you did. You are not my second option. I never saw you as an option at all because I was afraid to fuck it all up. I was afraid my job would fuck a possible relationship and that I would lose you as a girlfriend and as a friend. But the number one reason is that I never thought you liked me back during all those years" I say honestly and she finally looks at me.

"We are not a possibility Charles. We aren't a match romantically, that's quite obvious. We are good as friends but we don't have that chemistry couples do and that's fine. We kissed a few times as dares or whatever. But it got quite obvious in this last kiss"

I knew it was bullshit. I knew it. She was lying. The chemistry on those kisses, for fuck sake. I would fuck her in the bathroom of the club if I had to, I could barely hold it in my pants that night. And I knew she was feeling the chemistry judging by our kisses and the looks she gave me throughout the night. That is a  straight-up lie. Am I imagining things?

"Were we in the same place or am I getting crazy?" I ask clearly dumbfounded by what she had said with such nonchalance.

"Yeah, I think so" She looks at me with such indifference that I am feeling like I'm crazy.

"Shit, well I'm sorry for this awkwardness" I say still surprised and she lets out a laugh.

"Do you want a drink or something to eat?"

"Not really"

I was trying to keep my calm but I was really starting to doubt myself, was I the only one who felt the undeniable attraction at the party? I'm so fucking dumb. She kept watching what she was seeing, she kept a distance at first but then she leaned her head on my shoulder. I knew she would be too uncomfortable if she stays there too long.

Minutes went by and she gets up to go to her bathroom. When she comes back she opens up her bed and get's under the sheets. I do the same but I'm still seated, she lays her head on my lap and I start stroking her hair, it was as soft as always, it was long just how she always had it and it smelled like it always had. I would always remember that smell, it was unique.

She fell asleep quickly and I paused what she was watching. What happened to us? What happened to her? Why did she leave? What could have Charlotte did that would make her turn her back on the people she knew for her whole life?

My mind was full of questions. I thought having her back would end those questions but every day that goes by I get even more questions that go unanswered. I'm lost and confused. I want Leah back, I just don't know if she wants to be back.

I don't know what she blames me for or why she is pushing me off. I used to know her as well as I know myself but now- Now I don't even know if she will leave once 2022 starts. I don't know if my worst fear will repeat itself. I just know that I adore this woman. I know I don't want to lose her and that I would do anything not to lose her. But I also don't know what she needs me to do. I will find out. I'm just too confused.

I guess I brushed my thoughts aside and contemplated what I had right now. I had her. In my lap. Sleeping peacefully, she still trusts me. And I trust her with my own life. But I also need to know what happened to take care of it once and for all.