Escape

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My mother, she left me early. I don't remember her so much that I could say anything special about her. Every time I see her image, something seems different to me, her eyes are a different color, her hair is different, she wears a different dress, everything seems the same to me, but everything is different. I don't know, I don't have any pictures of her to remind me. I don't remember what she was like, but I choose to remember her by the good things. Maybe it's better that way. This way I can always pretend that she was a good person. That way she can't disappoint me.

My father, he was never there when I needed him even though we lived in the same house. Well, he lived in that house, I was a guest, just a reminder that he once had a wife. I was a guest who could never go out or do anything he wanted because that was his decision. He controlled everything and yet he couldn't see that he was losing me little by little. If only he had paid more attention to me, maybe some things would have turned out differently.

I couldn't even go out on my own, but I knew how to beg to be taken outside. All I asked was to be taken to the forest on our hill. Sometimes I would paint it, sometimes I would just look at it, sometimes I would run away when I got the chance. Only then could I be alone. People rarely went there, it was said that fairies and evil spirits wandered, but it is difficult to catch them in the act. At the time, it sounded like superstition to me, even though there were my father's and other people's lectures about them every day. There was always something in my behavior that easily angered him.

Maybe everything would have been better if mother had lived. Maybe everything would have been different if I had been louder. If only someone would help me at the timr, if only someone knew how lonely I was. So many years of schooling, and I had no answers to anything and nothing made sense to me. I ran away among the trees when they weren't paying attention to me and I never came out of the forest again. I hung myself among the high branches and remained calm and peaceful there. Finally, peace.

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