Everything Changes

Chapter 28: The Aftermath

"I will always be thankful you came into her life. I haven't seen her smile or be that happy since her father passed away..You helped her and I can never thank you enough for that. So please don't blame yourself. And if you don't mind me saying this...but I am pretty sure she did the same for you as well. You have been through a lot and no one should have to experience what both of you went through." She was right. I hadn't been that happy for god knows how long.

"I remember the day that it happened." Did she mean the day of her husband's accident? "I wasn't sure if I should bring it up or if you would even remember because you were little. And you shouldn't have had to go through that pain so young." Is she talking about..?  "Wait, were you there?"

"Yes, I was. I filled in a few times for a coworker and took on some of her patients at the hospital. Your mother was one of them. One of my favorites actually. She was such a sweet and caring woman And I remember the way her face would light up everytime you would enter the room. She loved you so much. The first day I saw you standing there injured I was almost certain it was you and then Aria confirmed it later. But I never said anything because I wasn't sure if I should."  A shudder ran through my body. "She was such an amazing mom."

"I know she was. And all that you have been through I can see that you have grown into a caring young man. And you care for my daughter. So please don't let this experience taint the relationship you both have formed as well as the growth it has given both of you."  My mind was still spinning from the idea of knowing that she knew my mom. And that she didn't hate or blame me for what happened with Aria. It baffled me because if the roles were reversed I would hate me. I do hate me.

How could what happen not taint the friendship that I built with Aria? How could I have any hope? "I hope that you take what I said to heart and that you learn to forgive yourself. You are young and will make a lot more mistakes. You and Aria both will. And you both need to learn to forgive yourselves now and in the future. And if you ever want to talk more about this or your mom....you are always welcome to stop by."

"Thank you Mrs Nova. For everything, I will try to take what you said to heart." I wasn't 100 percent sure if what I was saying at that moment was true but maybe I just needed time to believe what she was saying to me. "Anytime. Well I should go home and change so that I can get back. She still hasn't woken up yet. Do you want to go see her while I am gone? It would be nice for her to have some company since no one else is with her. I hate leaving her alone."

My eyes drifted towards the entrance of the hospital. My palms started to sweat. And I am sure my breathing picked up. Mrs Nova was watching me closely. "I-I-I haven't been inside since my mother... " Her face dawned with understanding. And she gave me a small reassuring smile. "How about we take that big step together?" She stood up and offered her hand. "Take your time."

My eyes were trained on her outstretched hand. My pulse quickened with the thought of taking that step. Was I ready to do this? Was I ready to go inside and face my fear of hospitals? Ready to see Aria? Her face came into my mind. Her smile took every space of my mind. And she was all that I could think about when I took Mrs. Nova's hand and started making our way towards the door.

She took that first step and stood there waiting at the other side of the entrance. Telling me to take my time and to just breathe slowly. My face felt cold from air that rushed out behind the metal doors. Everything slowed down around me as I tried to keep my breathing even. My palms were becoming increasingly sweaty and I am sure Mrs. Nova could tell. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

Yet I did have to. I had to do this for Aria and Mrs. Nova because I couldn't just leave her there by herself. And knowing that she still wasn't awake made me feel so guilty. Fuck it here it goes. One leg over the threshold and then the other. When I opened my eyes which I hadn't known they were closed. I was standing inside the hospital. I couldn't tell you how I was feeling. Everything I guess. But none of that matters right now.I couldn't process all this right now.