Isabelle Reviews (CLOSED FOR NOW)

The Fury of Alvierra High (Mystery, Horror)

Review date: January 10, 2023

Author: LORAINEJD

FIRST IMPRESSION: 2/5

COVER: 2/5

The cover is always my first impression, given that it's what appeals to me the most. A cover that is eye-catching is most likely to entice readers immediately. It really matters. In this case, I was confused, as there were too many subjects on the cover and there seems to be no focus. There are so many people at the top and bottom. I don't mind putting a lot of people on a cover, but to feature too many isn't a turn-on. Personally, I don't even know who these people are. And because there are too many subjects, it gives the impression of a complicated collage. And lastly, the text can't be seen clearly. Even the author's name blends with the background.

TITLE: 5/5

The title is actually good. It's mysterious, even if it sounds like a plant to me (that's my opinion, but I'll just let it pass.)

BLURB: 5/10

"The Fury of Alvierra High."

It made me want to know what exactly is in that university and what to expect. And easily, the genre is given without having to think twice. It doesn't deceive the readers or baffle them.

    The blurb has three sentences only. Some blurbs I've read are short, but have everything the readers have to know before they open the book. Three sentences would suffice, but in this case, the premise is broad. The blurb has to be impactful. Present something new and creative, no matter the length (just not too long, that won't work).

    The class of Alvierra High School for Gifted Students is once again open for the new school year. The secondary school will be made even darker especially when the new student came.

Prepare for an adventure filled with thrill, dark magic, mystery, and lots of suspense.

    What is Alvierra High School known for? What is so special about it? Descriptions are important, but must not go overboard. The development of the writing style, even as early as the beginning, doesn't seem to fit the theme without giving away too much information for the blurb.

    "Made darker" sounds off in this context, to be honest. Even if "darken" was used, it would still be absurd to say that the secondary school will be "darkened."

What is the meaning of "dark" in this sentence? Dark magic? Dark romance? It's not exactly specific, but I suggest using a different approach first.

Also, there's a disagreement between the tenses of the second sentence. The future tense ("will") must match the past tense ("came").

    And for the last sentence, I'd also recommend showing the readers what the excitement is without telling it.

    However, for the record, I like the flow of thoughts. I just have to point out that there are things that must be fixed. Going back to the usage of "dark," the meaning of "dark" in the context is noted. It's pertaining to "thrill, dark magic, mystery, and lots of suspense," just like what the blurb stated. And this has to guarantee that it will, indeed, promise thrill, dark magic, mystery, and lots of suspense.

Suspense, although a mass noun, can be written as "lots of suspense" or "so much suspense." But I recommend  "so much" instead of "a lot."

PLOT: 11/20

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: 10/20

DESCRIPTION: 8/15

    I assume that the first part is the prologue even with the absence of the indication since there was a background of a character.

Her name is Elise Buenaventura, and she's a newbie that comes with a "mysterious image." She is also described "as a mystery that remains a mystery for the people around her."

Repetition. The author can use the word "mysterious" once if that's the proper adjective, but writing the same word in the same sentence could be refrained. In this case, it was used thrice with no sentences apart.

Again, be conscious of the tenses. I understand that it's actually a common mistake, but it is something to be mindful of.

I also noticed that there were missing words. One example is:

However, be careful to trust all of them. You'll never know if your bias is really the killer or not.

I believe it's the other way around, since the second sentence represents suspicion.

I don't think it's a good choice to state that there will be plot twists and killers. They're supposed to surprise readers. Don't give away too much.

It's supposed to be a mystery, as the book has stated over and over.

WRITING STYLE: 7/10

GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION: 8/10

    Don't use "and" with too many adjectives, either.

    I wouldn't really expound so much on the technicalities at this point, since it's a Taglish story (Tagalog + English).

    For those who don't speak Tagalog, the author is basically narrating the first day of school and the students who comment on the newbie. It follows exactly what the prologue said. It doesn't stray from the story, and that's not a bad thing. The students say something about the newbie, throwing compliments and insults such as "diyosa ng kagandahan" (goddess of beauty) and a witch. That's where the story starts.

    Delving into the story, I found that it is heavy on dialogue. I don't find action or thrill, even in the first few parts. The action or thrill may not come at once sometimes, but readers also have to be given a hunch or a sense of premonition. I didn't find any fluff, yes. On the contrary, though, I wish it had more stories or backgrounds.

Aside from calling it the school "Dark High," there also has to be some stories between the dialogues and narrations. I understand why it's called the "Dark High," but I would suggest delivering an in-depth explanation instead of just stating that assignments given to them are difficult and that strange things occur in the school.

Who is Chris? Who is Claire? What are their roles in the beginning and why should we care about them? It would be difficult to keep tabs on each character's development. I'd also change the titles of the chapters a bit since I believe that they have to be as catchy as the book title itself.

The book is predominantly Tagalog, embodying traces of English. Though it is forgivable in this state, I'll have to review the English grammar and punctuation.

There's always room for improvement.

OVERALL: 58/100

    In conclusion, the intention of the work is distinct and logical. However, I assert that the master quality could be improved if its plan would be executed properly and readers would experience the magic the author wants them to feel.

    Thank you for trusting me in reviewing your book! <3, Isabelle