Appeal Denied

2016-Jamaica-30: Extended Recess

October 30, 2016

The sun's soft petals awakened me with their warm tendrils embracing and caressing my bare skin as the soft breeze through the open window whisked the gauzy white curtains around in the silent space. It had been ages since I slept in quite as late as I did that morning. I'd been comfortably wrapped in Harry's arms most of the night, our legs tangled together.

The first thing I noticed was the quiet. Birds were cawing outside, and faintly I could hear the ocean as the water reached out to kiss the shore. Opening my eyes, I saw the note.

"Writing this morning with Mitch. Go play!" It was signed with a heart and the letter H. I'll confess I wasn't too sure what to think about that heart. Seeing it made my stomach do weird somersaults that I easily blamed on the foreign food. Usually a heart means something more than what we were doing, so I decided to blow it off. He maybe was writing quickly or perhaps the heart was part of his usual signature.

I pulled on my bikini: a white one with a floral pattern. Tying the top around my neck where it criss-crossed over my breasts, it allowed my boobs to nestle comfortably. The bottoms rested on my hip bones, but barely covered my secret garden. Good thing I'd gotten that Brazilian wax before flying down. The pain had been worth it to see myself in this bikini in Harry's full length mirror. That, and to witness Harry's incredulous grin when he'd seen the full monty.

Unsure what I should be doing, my tummy took control and grumbled to remind me that I hadn't eaten since dinner the night before, and the sun was already high in the sky.

Pulling on a pair of bright pink flowy pants with elastic at the waist, I found my Palm Springs sandals and wandered to the great room. On the kitchen counter was a plate of pastries with a glass cover, but I skipped over it to the bowl filled with beautiful fruit. I snagged a perfectly ripe yellow guava, biting into it and relishing the fresh taste. As I was finishing the tropical treat, Glenne entered, her bag slung over her shoulder.

"Good morning!" she chirped happily, "I see you found breakfast! Damn! Your top is sooo cute! Is that your bathing suit?"

"Hi, Glenne," I shyly replied. We'd only met one previous time -- the night I'd lost control in Harry's hotel room during the filming of the Perfect video. Although I'd seen Jeffrey a few times since then when he'd been in town for business, his girlfriend didn't often join him. So I confess to feeling awkward seeing her again after my massive breakdown.

She paid no attention to my embarrassment, instead jumping right into conversation, and I appreciated that greatly. "The boys are writing. Or recording. Or being silly. One of the three. I'm heading into Port Antonio to do a little sightseeing. Wanna come?"

With no knowledge of when Harry would emerge from his self-imposed exile with the boys, I agreed readily to head into town with Glenne. Our driver's name was Javel, and he explained that it meant "clear and transparent like water" because his father was a fisherman who loved the ocean.

We traveled through lush forest, green surrounding us on all sides, the leaves on some of the plants larger than my head. The sun beamed down on us in the jeep with its top removed for the morning ride. Glenne chatted about her job as Head of Music Partnerships for Snapchat, and I was suitably impressed, promising to download the app once I was back in NYC, seeing as how my phone was useless in Jamaica.

The more she talked, the more inspired I became. A woman like Glenne who got to her position without using the fame and connections of her boyfriend is rare in this world, unfortunately. Like me, she worked her ass off. Unlike me, she'd managed to build a career that allowed her to travel. Which meant that when Jeffrey was off somewhere, she could be too. It raised questions in my mind about what I was willing to do about my vocation to be near Harry. Was I willing to reimagine who I was and who I wanted to be in order to follow a boy around the globe?