Fighting Bleeding Losing | Yeongyu / Beomjun

-12-

⚠️ / 🔞

Yeonjun

16 of December, 10 days before the incident. He felt weak. He couldn't stop crying, he scratched his arms helplessly, feeling his nails marking his skin. He wanted to feel the cold water enter in his lungs again, he deserved it. At this time, Yeonjun wasn't himself, it wasn't weed, it was a melange of traumas, hard drugs and antidepressants, a dangerous mix that made him feel like he was flying, ascending to the stars.

Like a zombie, he unconsciously walked to the empty bathroom, he knew Beomgyu was hanging out with Hyuka so he wasn't there. He let his hand touch the cold faucet of the bath and turned it on. He watched to water flow in the bath with a small smile. It was like watching everything from another view, as if he wasn't in his own body. He wanted to feel the things he felt last year again.

After a while, he took off his shirt and his pants, leaving himself only in his underwear and he entered in the bath. His underwear was uncomfortably sticking to his skin because of the water but he didn't care, he was in a bad state, and he couldn't feel anything but the pain. He needed to feel the things he felt last year again.

He let his head fall into the cold water, sending him frozen electroshock then he stayed like that, not able to breathe underwater, letting himself drown in the small bath. He stayed like that for plenty seconds, his breath restrained by the water, his eyes closing themselves.

As his vision was getting blurry, he heard his sister crying and his parents screaming, he widened his eyes and pulled his head off the water, breathing heavily. He looked at his surroundings but nobody was there, he imagined the voices. "I'm a fucking shit... Even that I can't do it properly. I can't even die... What of a loser am I?" He angrily yelled at himself, hitting his own thighs. 'You were supposed to die a year ago' his inner voice told him.

"Nobody's here Yeonjun. Don't be a fucking pussy." He told himself as he hit his hurting head, the drug was fucking his mind and he felt a horrible headache encouraging him to dive his face into the water a second time.

Again, he dropped his head into the water. But this time he promised himself he won't freak out. He felt the same satisfying feeling in his lungs ; the lack of air. He liked it. He loved it too much. He also loved how his vision was getting more blurry and tight. He loved how he couldn't breathe anymore and suddenly he felt... frail arms against his torso pulling him off the bath ?

"Yeonjun shit !" Beomgyu panicked voice woke Yeonjun up instantly, the latter started coughing the water off his body and the younger boy didn't know what to do and the only thing he thought of was taking his phone to call an ambulance but Yeonjun stopped him, placing his weak and wet hand on Beomgyu's. "Please don't call anyone I-I don't need anyone, just you" The older said between coughs.

Beomgyu, feeling useless, just embraced the older, rubbing his wet back gently, he didn't care about his own clothes becoming wet ; Yeonjun was more important.  "I was so worried when I came back and you didn't answer me" he whispered in the older's ears.

After a couple of minutes, the older stopped coughing, he just let himself sob in Beomgyu's arms. "Yeonjun... why ? Why did you do that Yeonjun" The younger cried, using all his strength to carry the older to his own room.

"It's so hard Beomgyu... It's so hard to live when you feel so guilty and depressed Beomgyu. I should already be dead Beomgyu why can't I die ? Why did he die? Why it's my fault ? Why him and not me ?" Yeonjun couldn't speak anymore as he was crying, curled on himself. "Shh... Yeonjun I don't understand what you're saying." Beomgyu tried to comfort the older but he only got pulled against Yeonjun's hard naked and wet chest by the boy himself. The older had no energy left, drugs and sadness aspirated all his vitality. "Please Beomgyu... Let's never talk about what happened" Yeonjun pleaded, his voice barely a whisper but the other boy heard.