The French Formula (LSD, #3)

5. Roll Over, Lay Down

Roll Over, Lay Down

"What's the story with those bodies?", I ask Tong Au when we leave the hospital.

Tong Au looks away, still worried: "Just hobby. In Macao, we had him the dead patient in the freezer, for investigate cause of death, but we forgot. When you are dead, the hair and beard keep growing. After a year, we open the freezer and we find dead John Lennon there. So now, I take care of him the dead."

"Morbid hobby."

Tong Au shrugs: "Why? Death is part of life. You laugh at life, you laugh at death. Other one we had in the freezer. Her the wife came to say goodbye. She kissed, but the lips froze to him the dead husband's mouth. We thought she was passionate in love. We show the respect and not to listen to her cry. When we found out, she the woman was blue of lack of oxygen, half dead, half frozen. We had to do the artificial respiration to revive her, but nobody wanted to do it. Funny. Attractive woman, widow, like Snow White, to be kissed to come alive..."

Doc also has a story about dead people: "In the Leicester morgue, we received the remainders of a 49-year-old owner of a meat factory. The factory faced bankruptcy; the owner left a suicide note and jumped into a running meat grinder. It took us days to fix him for the funeral. The best we could do was a 75-kilo sausage in the coffin. An old friend consoled the widow, and six months later they celebrated their honeymoon in Cancun. What a surprise when the merry widow saw her late husband there on the beach, entertaining two blond twin sisters in their twenties, thanks to the money he got out of the company before he threw a dead pig and his laundry into the meat processor. His jealous wife hired a local drug addict to shoot Mister Meatloaf in the head. The local police had a hard time, investigating the murder of a man who had died half a year earlier, 10.000 kilometres away, and now showing up dead in a hotel room in their city."

Doc knows a cozy bar, close to the hospital. I suggest eating something first. Doc assures me I don't know the French qualities of food until I have eaten in a bar. I have my doubts. Doc lived and worked in Leicester. That's England. I've visited England. I know the food there. My stomach turns inside-out.

I'm right. The bar has sandwiches with jambon, sandwiches with fromage and sandwiches with ham and cheese. No haute cuisine, no bottom-line cuisine, no cuisine at all. We each try one of each. They are excellent. Doc orders shots of Cuban rum to go with them. The rum is exceptional, but I stop playing Cuban Roulette after the second shot. I can't risk a cubature rummage during my upcoming night shift.

"You should drink with us. We are your friends. You can't let your friends drink alone.", Doc complains.

Tong Au supports his friend Doc: "Yes. Serious drinking is fun. You should drink."

Why does stupid behaviour always make people feel compelled to convince others to join them?

"Hi, Doc. You want a smoke? What are you drinking? Cuban rum? Aren't you offering one to me, Manny, your best friend in Brest?"

Doc welcomes his new drinking mate: "Bugs, Tong Au, this is Manny, my supplier of every professional drug I can imagine. Manny, this is Tong Au, my colleague from Macao. This is Bugs, my assistant."

Manny comes from Manfred, but the amounts he consumes of his merchandise explain why everyone calls him Manny (many). He's a salesman too; he doesn't stop one second to listen to anyone else, just talks and talks and talks, and drinks, and smokes, and swallows, and sniffs: "Ah, from Macao, the Las Vegas of the Orient. Do you know Macao consumes more drugs in one night than the Colombian cartel produces in a year? I'm from Düsseldorf, the most boring city in Germany. This is good rum. Michelle, pour us another round. You don't drink, Bugs? That's better; for me, I mean. You want to join us with this joint? Marijuana from Morocco. This place is so boring. Don't waste your time. Take something to have fun. Try my XTC. I have speed too. Or you prefer cocaine? This XTC makes me a bit slow. I don't want to waste time. Coke keeps me alert. You need to have fun, you know. This place is so boring. But, thank G.O.D., there's Manny around. Manny always has something to have fun. Michelle, pour us another round. You sure don't want to join me with this joint? You join me with another drink? We need to have fun, get drunk, roll over, get laid down."