Littlespace Academy (SFW)

Chapter 6* (REDONE 01/02/2023)

"No, mom that's not it-" even I could tell how scared and hurried my own voice sounded. There's no way she'd believe me. I sounded like I was lying. She always said scared people were liars. I didn't know how to get her to believe I was truthful. I wanted and needed her to believe my words.

"How ungrateful can you be? I work hard to provide for you and make sure you have a safe environment. Why is this what I'm getting for it?" Now she was yelling. I couldn't stop the tears anymore. I couldn't focus my eyes. I was surprised I was still standing up straight with how badly I was shaking. I couldn't make it obvious how much worse the yelling made me.

"I am grateful for that mom, my mental health has nothing to do with you or what you're giving me," I spoke carefully. I took deep breaths between phrases. I kept my voice level, it hardly even cracked. I hoped it would be enough to calm her down.

"So now you're saying I don't have a place in your life?" She wasn't yelling anymore. She was still angry. She was still blaming me. But she wasn't yelling. If I could keep calm, I could calm her. I needed to calm her. It was my job to. She made sure of that.

"No! You do have a place in my life, I just wanted it to be my business but now it's-" I tried to explain only to get sharply cut off by her.

"Stop, stop right there. I'm your mother. Your business is my business, I don't know where you got this whole hide from mom shit but it needs to stop right now. My job is to take care of you and if you aren't okay that reflects negatively on me. If that happens, you realize they could have people come take you from me? Do you want that? Do you want to end up in the foster system Myrium? Do you want me to lose you and your brother? That's what it seems like you're trying to do right now. You're trying to make me lose everything." She sounded angrier with every word. I couldn't see her face but I could feel her gaze getting more intense on me. I could see her feet move when she stepped closer to me. I would've stepped away if I could move. Even then, it wasn't worth risking her getting any worse. It would never be worth it. I knew she was trying to hurt me on purpose. It didn't make her threats hurt any less. I liked it where we were. I just didn't like her.

"No mom! I don't! I don't want you to lose anything! I've just been depressed lately because everything feels like too much and nothing is changing and it's bothering me!" I couldn't stop the crying anymore. My head snapped up to look at her. I'd failed to keep my voice level, instead sounding like the terrified pleading little girl I was. She threw her hands up in the air and gave me a gaping look.

"I'm still not understanding how you're depressed! You're a good kid Myrium, and I want to be able to keep thinking that you are," her tone softened just the right amount at the end. The way she did it made my heart twinge. She thought I was a good kid and she was trying to make me blame myself for my mental state changing that. I'd tried not to listen to her multiple times. It never worked. I was already blaming myself by the time I opened my mouth again.

"I don't know how I'm depressed either, that's why I wanted to talk to you about it, so it could get figured out!" I didn't care if I sounded angry anymore. I was hurt, scared, and disappointed that things turned out this way again. I don't know why I kept tricking myself into thinking she could change. Every time I started getting comfortable this was what happened.

"Well if it's something so simple like you said, just start getting all of your shit together and it'll go away. If it's still there after that, I don't know what to tell you. You've been creating problems for yourself since day one and I'm honestly getting sick of it." She crossed her arms and glared at me. Somehow I found the energy to glare back. I couldn't go down without a fight this time.

"I'm not creating the problems! If I really was the one creating them and I wanted them to stop this bad don't you think I would do something to get rid of it? This isn't about you mom, it never was! I was here to talk to you about my mental state and all you've done so far is complain, it's hurting my feelings more," I breathed. I'd gone from anger back to crying in the span of a few sentences. My chest felt like it was going to burst open. My lungs and throat felt like they were on fire. My eyes were sore from trying to restrain tears.