M.E.

Part 1 : Why me ?

Hello Hello my flowers , this is a very meaningful story and thank you for reading this <3

When I was young , I had no idea what would happen but I knew that it wouldn't be good . One time I was hanging out with my friends , we where laughing and it was after school , that was when I found out about mental health , me and my friends where running around screaming at each other and playing about , then my one off my close friends which I was fairly close enough ; took her jacket off . I didn't realise but then she ran up to me abt to tag me then I notice .. her arms , why where there do many cuts ? " Hey , why are there cuts on your arm ? " not aware much of self-harm I thought nothing of it .

" Uh .. " she tears up

" you alright ..? " I was honestly confused

" yeah sorry , it's my self harm scars .. " she'd do a slight whimper but me honestly , I understood things quickly and I started apologising and hugging her

" I'm so sorry ! I never knew about this !! " I apologised to her , she nodded and hugged me back and we carried on running around and playing(I get so guilty Omg). I went home and went on my socials , then I see 'Learn about self-harm!' I sat up watching the video and it started to list types of self harm

' Cutting = wrists , thighs , legs ect
Biting = biting skin , biting nails ect ect ' as a younger I realised what cutting meant , and one day I was walking around and stole a pocket knife from my dad . I thought to myself ' Why do people cut ..? And how dose it feel. ' I looked at the knife for days , weeks,months . And then ! One day on my last day of school I grabbed the knife and rolled up my sleeve putting the knife on my arm , " AGH ! " I squealed quietly looking at my bleeding arm hiding the knife in my pencil case , I thought to myself in surprise ' Wow .. it's like all my problems went away ! ' and remind you my life wasn't so great either as from you thought . I went to school with my sleeves rolled down and then I entered my classroom , " Morning Miss . " I put my bag in my locker and sat down kicking my feet and looking at my wrist this whole time , " Good morning , " she smiled at me as my best friend looked at me from the front of the room waving , I wave back smiling thinking 'should I tell her ? ' and I must say I was a child that loved attention ; if I didn't get it in one way I would get it the other .

Time skip to when I was with my other friends , my best friend wasn't there as she had to go somewhere and I was chilling with my other friends , then I thought ' I'll tell them ' and roll up my sleeves and show one of close friends that looked like me " look .. " I said quietly ( tell you this , this is when being a pick me was very normal and popular ) she looks at me and I tell her I cut myself, she lifts up her arm and I thought she was going to hug me . But no . She slapped me and hugged me then , I was hurt course but i didn't say anything. Then she whispers in my ear " Never do that again , understood ? " I nod at her shaking a bit I pulled my arm away and rolled down my sleeves scorching back to the wall confused and then I sat thinking ' wait , I'm not understanding .. was I not supposed to do that ? ' as I say , being a pick me and doing something bad was popular so don't blame me .

As I matured through my school year I started trying to do it more , not because I was a pick me and wanted attention , because I loved it and it was very addicting. My best friend on the other hand ? Never found out and I never told her as she used to copy what I would do and she would make everything about herself when I told her . Sometimes I even thought ,

" why me ? "