The Bright Colours of Misery [COMPLETED]

𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙿𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙵𝙾𝚁𝚃𝚈 𝙵𝙸𝚅𝙴 -lost and found time-

"Heidi, I promise you that I don't love Helga the way I loved your father, I don't feel these things toward her in any way, we are friends, I do not know why I did that" She paused. Heidi could see the lie right through her eyes, her face, the way her eyebrows angled downward, every single movement she made while she spoke was false and fabricated.

"Sometimes people do silly things, huh?" The older woman let out a chuckle, a light one that seemed about as genuine as what she had just said, she was desperate to ease the tension she was building up all on her own. Heidi took a second to think of the best way to stop her mother from lying and to explain their similarity.

"Heidi," Trudy urged after a long silence. "Please, say something." Her voice held a pleading tone. One that almost made Heidi cry, it felt as if her own mother was scared of her, of how she would judge her or worse.  The way she recognised Trudy's apparent feelings pained her.

"Heidi, I'm sorry you saw that, Heidi-"
"No." Heidi threw out having heard enough of this pure fear already. She couldn't bear any more of it. Trudy let go of her hand quickly, her eyes widening in fear.

Immediately, Heidi realised her mistake. Her plain no would be misunderstood. She quickly scrambled through her brain for some efficient sentences that would put her true intentions forward.

"No, I mean, please do not apologise." She hurried to say, barely articulating.

They both stared at each other, Heidi noticed how her mother slowly relaxed ever so slightly.

"Thank you, mama." Heidi quickly whispered, the sentence should have been longer, it should have contained an entire confession about her messed up view of herself, it should have contained at least twenty synonyms for gratitude, hell it should have filled three full letters. However, that wasn't possible for Heidi to exteriorise.

"What?"

"I've been in love with Tilda for over a year." She admitted, her breaths heavy. Trudy's mouth fell open as if her daughter had just dropped dead in front of her, and presented her own ghost right afterward.

"I want to kiss her everytime she smiles at me, everytime she laughs I want to giggle along with her and as soon as I see her anywhere I catch this horrible consuming feeling that I think everyone expects me to have for Alexander."

Her words were so quick her heartbeat accelerated, she had to take a few deep breaths to calm down afterward.

Trudy stared at her for a second, before she reached her arms out to Heidi, who quickly fell into her hug, admitting all that, so quickly, to both herself and her mother after not really thinking about it for a while, had required a lot of energy.

They both started crying, softly enough not to alert Heidi's siblings downstairs, but hard enough to get their cheeks all wet and eyes red out of irritation caused by salty tears shed for different reasons, reasons that were never truly clarified or spoken because they didn't have to be.

"I'm glad you said that," Trudy eventually whispered into her ear. "No one can accept anything about you, unless you have and living in denial has destroyed more than one on this earth."

Heidi nodded slowly. After all, Trudy must have known much more about it than she did so Heidi took the words in carefully, as if they were the most important ones she would ever hear.

No one can accept anything about  you, unless you have and living in denial has destroyed more than one on this earth.

Suddenly, Heidi realised who her mother was referring to, many nightmares revolved around all those words and all those actions.