Moonflower - B. Bridgerton

10

„Why do you hate my mummy so much?"
This question comes out of nowhere and Benedict chokes on the piece of chicken he just put into his mouth because of it. He coughs for some seconds, mostly because he's trying to gain some time. Then, he finally looks at his daughter, who has put away the fork and the knife and looks at him expectantly.
„I... I don't hate your mum, Ayla", he finally says. The most annoying part of this sentence is... it is true. He wants to hate her - oh Lord, he wants to hate her so desperately - but he can't. Even after all these time, even after everything he went through, Sofia still means too much to him. This is what frightens him so much. Having someone in your life that you're always going to love, no matter what they do or say to you... that can't be healthy, right?

„Why did you hit her then?"
Benedict puts away his fork and knife, too. Apparently they're going to have heavy discussions without even waiting for dessert first.
„That was a mistake. Something I truly regret." Once again, he is being completely sincere.
She nods, as if she was excepting this answer, then proceeds go back to eat her food. From the way she just cuts in pieces and moved it around her plate, Benedict can see that she's not really interested in eating it anymore.

„You don't have to eat everything, if you are full."
She looks at him with big, puppy eyes. „I don't?"
„Well..." Apparently it's not common for her to not eat everything that is on her plate and now Benedict is worrying that he might fail as a father. Already. Even in these banalities.
„Mummy always makes me eat everything, because otherwise I get hungry again at night, when I actually have to sleep", Ayla honestly reveals.
„In that case", Benedict answers, after some consideration, „you should probably continue to eat. I don't want to be that kind of father who allows you anything your mother is saying no to."

„You're probably right", Ayla agrees with a shrug. She's so... awkwardly neutral, so polite that Benedict fails to see what she thinks of him. He wants her to like him, hell, he needs her to like him, but so far it seems like he's an awful father. Already.

A period of silence is filling the room, while both of them continue to eat. Benedict can see that his daughter is risking some curious glances in his direction, but he is actually to nervous to ask her about it. What if she asks a question like her former one? After a while, he decides that he has to do something, to say something at least, so he puts away his fork and knife once again and asks: „Is there anything on my face or why have you been staring?"
Benedict makes sure to smile so that his daughter can understand that he is joking after all, nevertheless, Ayla is pretty serious, when she answers him: „It's just... you look exactly how my mummy described you."

Benedict was definitely not expecting this. „What do you mean?"
„Well... I was curious, so I asked about you often. I said to my mummy that I sometimes wish, I wouldn't look exactly like her, so that I could recognize you easier, when we meet", she admits shyly.
„I'm actually quite glad that you ended up getting your mummy's face. She's definitely the prettier one among us two", Benedict confesses smiling.
„I'm not pretty." Benedict's heart fills with joy - there's literally no other explanation to that feeling - when he experiences his daughter blushing in front of him. He gets up from his chair, to kneel before Ayla. He slowly turns her around so that she's facing him and takes her little hands in his. „You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen", he declares, as he lifts himself up a little, to kiss her forehead.

Ayla blushes even more. „You're only saying this, because you are my father", she declares, still looking at her hands in his.
„That's true", Benedict answers happily, „but because I am your father, it counts the most."

———— The next day ————

Benedict wakes up the next day with the freshness of a man who just slept a healthy amount of eight hours the previous night. It's the first time in almost six years that he didn't wake up screaming, covered in sweat, trying to escape a nightmare.
He turns around to hug Ayla - and opens his eyes as his hands touch an empty bed.