𝗦𝗖𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗠 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗬𝗢𝗨 , 𝗴𝗵𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲

07

Damn you, Stu, and the way you can see right through me!

My lip quivered as I pondered over how I should respond. I didn't want to hurt him. I would never want to hurt Stu.

"[Name]?"

"I just hate when you guys do that."

"Do what?" Stu replied.

"Do that!" A small wince escaped me as my shoulder blade rubbed against the skin of my back as I lifted my arms up in frustration. A physical injury to add to my emotional ones. The emotional punches I had been taking lately were taking their toll, and I could feel my emotions getting ready to spill out to Stu.

"What is that?" His voice was small and confused , and I knew at the sound of it I would cave in. Stu moved in to grab at my hand once more, and I felt his fingers intertwine with mine. Stu was my weak spot.

"Act like that! Like you love me. I don't even know how to feel about you and Billy, and when you guys say or do stuff like that it isn't helping. It makes me rethink everything!" My fingers clenched his as I continued, "It feels like I know nothing about you. All I have is theories, ideas, possibilities! And when you guys do stuff like that it just makes me create more theories and ideas and possibilities."

My eyes pricked with tears as I looked up at the bright, blue sky, "The worst part about that is that I love you! I love you and Billy. But I shouldn't. You're- you're murderers. You could kill anyone I love at any moment. You could kill Tatum or Dewey or Sidney. Fuck, you could kill me! For all I know, this romantic shit is just some trick, so you guys can get away with this in the end."

I sniffed, "Because of that I'm not even sure what I mean to you. Ever since Casey's murder, I have had so many doubts about us. About everything I knew about us. That I was so sure of. With Billy too! It's like one moment, I'm so absorbed in you two, and I full-heartedly believe you love me as I love you, but then I second guess myself! It's like I'm a toy or a ploy for you guys to get away with this. Or that you're just stalling to murder me 'cause the time isn't right. I don't know what to think or feel or do when I have nothing solid to fall on!"

Tears began to fall down my cheeks as loud sobs left my mouth. Everything I felt had finally piled to the point where I needed to explode.

"[Name], it's not like that. Not at all." Stu moved his hand to wipe away my tears, "I'm not good at this type of stuff, you know? But I love you, and I know, even though Billy is acting weird, that he loves you too. He's just that way. He was with me! And Sidney! Even his dad. Ever since his mom, it's like he doesn't know how to feel things without them being fake. I can't tell you everything, and I know that sucks, and that's the only thing you want, but I can tell you one thing. None of that is true. You're our boy. Our final boy."

"But why me? Why not Sidney or Tatum? Literally anybody else in this hell of a town!"

Stu moved to rest his forehead against mine, "Because it's you. It's always been you."

Our heavy breathing tangled together at the proximity. I wasn't sure what to say, but the look on Stu's face assured me that everything he was saying was true.

"When I walk into school, the first person I think of is you." Stu ran his fingers up my arm.

"When I go to sleep, the first person I dream of is you." His fingers ran along my shoulder until his hand stooped at the crook of my neck, wrapping his hand around it.

"When I wake up, the person I look forward to seeing the most is you." Stu cupped my cheek with a tender smile.

"Even when I'm with Tatum, you're the person on my mind." He pressed his lips against the corner of mine making my stomach explode with butterflies.

"All I can think about is you."

Stu traced my lips with his before placing his lips against mine. It was far different from the kiss I had shared with Billy. It was full of tenderness and romance. His lips spilled secrets that words couldn't even describe. My hands tugged in the scruff of his hair as we deepened the kiss.

I fell on my back into the grass as Stu clambered on top of me. Our lips remained attached despite the drastic change in position. His knee was placed in the space between my spread legs which made more than one place fill with butterflies.

I pushed against his chest ever so weakly, trying to catch my breath. Our chests bumped against each other as we caught our breaths. Stu's eyes were half-lidded, and the light blue color of his irises seemed to have darkened.

"Does that give you the answers you need?" Stu whispered to me.

"Yes," I whispered back.

Stu nuzzled his head into my collarbone, lightly nibbling on it as he groaned, "Thank God."

I let out a small chuckle. Tears still rested on my cheeks, but I felt better than I had in days. It wasn't the answers I was looking for, nor was it the way I ever thought this hangout would go, but I was grateful for the experience nonetheless.

It had given me the stableness I needed. At least, with Stu it did. Billy on the other hand did not give me any stability. Just more baseless theories about what I was to him. I couldn't let him downplay my mood though when I could make the most with Stu.

I pulled myself into Stu's chest. It felt magical finally being in his arms. He wrapped his arms around me, and I hummed in satisfaction. This was right.

My eyes closed, and I could feel myself start to drift away into a sleep state. The soft beating of Stu's heart pounding on his chest against my ear lulled me into a sleep.

I could've cared less for the fact we were in public or that Billy would interrupt us eventually. All I cared about was being with Stu.

My sleep didn't last long with Stu shacking me slightly as he pulled his arm away from shielding my body. I looked up at him to see him bring his phone to his face.  He flipped the phone open, and moved it closer to his ear.

My sleepiness paralyzed my hearing, and I could only pick out pieces and bits of information from the call. At most, I knew that it was Billy and that he was on his way and that he had finished something. My intuition felt it had been something murderous knowing Billy.

Stu dipped his head down to my ear as he stuffed his phone back into his pocket, "Hey, sleepy head. We gotta go."

"But I don't want to," I whined.

"As much as I wish I could stay here, and keep you in my arms forever; I can't. We have to go meet Billy."

Stu pulled me up with him, and I stumbled around in the grass a bit. Stu wiped the grass off of his clothes, and I rubbed the sleepiness away from my eyes.

"Your ass, man!" Stu laughed.

I felt myself scowl at the fact that my ass was covered in grass. Stu moved up behind me and began to pat down my back and wipe away the grass the decorated my clothes. His hands reached my ass, and he; surprisingly, wiped it away with no funny business. He moved further down and cleared the grass from my pants.

Stu stayed right behind me as I cleaned the front on my clothes. The act got rid of my leftovers sleepiness once and for all, "Alright, I'm ready."

"Before we leave I have to do one thing."

"What?" I questioned.

"This!" Stu slapped my ass, and I felt my reflexes kick as I whipped towards him, "Stu!"

He just giggled like a mischievous child before shooting into a sprint. I immediately shot right after him. Stu's long legs quickly overtook my lack of athleticism. I stopped as Stu became a small dot in the tunnel of my vision.

I tried to catch my breath as I kneeled over my knees. My chest felt lighter, but I wasn't 100% sure about Billy and Stu. Things weren't adding up, and I still needed answers that both boys refused to give me. I would just have to go figure it out between now and the party. Which wasn't giving me too much hope.

I stood back up as I caught my breath. There wasn't much I could do with my lack of knowledge and resources, but I kept my goal intact.

As much as I hated the fact the only thing I can do for now is hope for the best.

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