Map of the Lost

31

Is he really over us already?

The whole day we played with the water and like what my sister told me, I did try to act cool with Cole. Sinasali namin siya ni ate sa mga ginagawa namin. And she was right, ako lang naman talaga 'yung nattense dito. Maybe I just think about it too much that it affects how I am around him. But overall, I made myself feel comfortable with his presence.

"Paubos na yelo," sabi ni ate habang kinakalikot 'yung laman ng cooler sa tabi niya. Madilim na 'yung langit at natira na kami dito sa beach side. Somehow Cole had someone arrange a bonfire for us. Kaming tatlo lang naman nila Ate Sydney habang ang mga matatanda umakyat na sa kwarto nila.

We decided to stay up late to drink. Kanina pa kami nagkwekwentuhan. We talked about how it has been with work, with friends and stories we recalled from before when we were in college. Umabot pa nga usapan din namin kay Angelo when Ate Sydney started talking about med school. I eyed her suspiciously.

"May hindi ka talaga sinasabi sa akin!" Pag-akusa ko habang tinuturo siya.

When the night was getting too late, we only sat there, staring at the stars in silence. "Ang tahimik," walang malay kong sabi habang may maliit na ngiti sa labi ko. The cold breeze tickling my skin made me close my eyes in comfort and content.

My chest felt lighter as if this was the breather that I needed.

I want to stay here longer if I could.

Nauna nang umalis si Ate Syd at habang ako nagpaiwan muna. I was now left alone with Cole.

"How have you been lately?" I could feel his gaze at me while my eyes were still closed, indulging the peaceful tension. I hummed before shortly answering. "Okay lang naman."

Ewan ko kung bakit tuwing tinatanong ako niyan, may mabigat na pakiramdam sa dibdib ko. I mean, okay lang naman ako, diba? I'm healthy. I have my friends and family with me. I have a stable career. So yes, I'm okay. I should be.

Pero minsan, bakit pakiramdam ko parang may kulang?

"Do you remember what you told me before in Tagaytay?" Dinilat ko ang mga mata ko saka lumingon sa kanya. "Are you contented with the life you're living now?" Napakurap lang ako nang hindi makasagot sa kanya, quite stunned with the sudden question.

He put his can of beer down before removing his beach polo and put it on my shoulders. He was now left with his plain white shirt. "You mentioned something about wanting to reach the level of being at peace and contented with your life. Where you have no more worries, you see your worth and you feel appreciated. I just want to know if you've reach that level now." A lone tear unconsciously ran down my cheek and he was quick to have his thumb wipe it.

I haven't even noticed how we were inches away from each other. His eyes bored into mine while his thumb was gently cupping my cheek. One touch from him and I suddenly felt like I wanted to burst.

Maybe because it was the familiarity my heart had with his touch and his soothing voice. I knew he had the ability to break down my walls and allow me to just be myself with him, without any worry. It's like I suddenly wanted to crawl on to him, and cry on his chest. Parang gusto kong ilabas bigla ang lahat sa kanya at magsumbong tugkol sa mga dinanas ko.

My vision got blurry when he moved and sat closer beside me, put my beer down and caged my hands in his rough ones.

"Ate Sydney might have mentioned something by accident." He whispered along with the wind. I looked at him like waiting for him to continue. "I just.. couldn't get my mind of it."