An elite reincarnated with a slime?

Sub-Rosa Exordium pt.1

Kiyotaka Ayanokouji POV.

I thought back, trying to paint an image of a younger me. A boy locked in a world of white, forced to cry inside, forced to be better... forced into isolation.

I imagine how he would look, how he would speak, how he would laugh, how he would act. I try think... is that really me?

I am here, that much is certain, but would I be here if I was here then? No this doesn't make sense.

I need to deconstruct the self, before I try to do the same to me.

Self, or, the individual, is agreed upon as the aggregate of memories. So does our past shape our future?

.... I'd venture to say no.

Our memories aren't our past experiences, but a reconstruction of past events with the context of our present which was the pasts future known now. I doubt I ever thought I'd be in another world, and I very much doubt that the me in the white room could have handled my situation...

Does that not cheapen the thought self?

Our memories are painted by our current thoughts. Let's take a humanitarian for example. Let's name her Karen. Karen here, thinks she's a kind person, always helping people whenever she can. Hence why she thinks she's always been that way, to the point that she remembers her past events as altruistic. Now let's say Karen grows old and bored, and sees herself as somewhat of a totalitarian. She enforces laws and people and demands constant talk with management. She thinks that's right. And her past memories reinforce that belief.

Does this mean that Karen the humanitarian and Karen the totalitarian are two different selves? I mean, they have the same life experiences no? Yet the interpretation of those life experiences as memories are constructed differently. That would mean there were two different Karen's at different points in time.

If that were the case, how can we conclude our memories are an objective recollection of our past experiences?

We can't.

We base our memories around a character that is painted onto our past self by the people around us. Karen only "remembers" the time she helped that elderly person because her mom told her she did. She also only "remembers" the time she stopped a boy from stealing because her mom told her she did. Hence why she remembers such.

Therefore what was, no longer is, and what is, shall not be.

And if this is the case, then there is no such thing as a congruent self that persists through time.

Makes sense, no? After all, the sense of self that we have isn't what we think it is. It's an illusion, a construction of linear congruency created through the perception and sensation that make up our world and thoughts.

That should be the case, it should be the forgone conclusion, it should be done and dusted. The Kiyotaka then, is not the Kiyotaka that is now, and the Kiyotaka that is now will not be later. That'd be the logical conclusion.

...But it's not...

There is such a thing as a soul, so strong and magical it can be carried into other worlds... An objective record of the self.

So why am I here?

I'm not as naive to think I have a strong sense of self, even with my prolonged stay in the cardinal world. Let alone the me that was transported here two years ago. I, my soul shouldn't have been able to stand the weight of coming here.

Yet here I am, and even more strange, or logical, I can't use my unique skill. I have it, I know I have it. It's just, I don't know what it is... and am unable to make use of it. Is the due to my infantile sense of self?