the longest night of the year • eszan
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    the longest night of the year • eszan

    Fanfiction

    The day before their divorce, Ozan writes his first letter to Esra, listening to sad music. He keeps writing until they reunite two years later... What if he never stopped writing?

    #aşkmantıkintikam #burcuözberk #divorce #dizi #eszan #eszanlas #eszanlasda #fox #friendship #heartbreak #ilbur #ilhanşen #letters #love #sad #sadness #series #show #turkishseries

    #2

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    DISCLAIMER: remember to play the song while reading. 
    SONG: the weeknd — call out my name 
    •••
    14.02.2019
    Dear Esra, 
    I have never been in love with you. Get out of my life quietly and leave. 
    These words still resonate in my head. Was it really like that? Was it all a lie? Was the whole year of our plans, our kisses, glances, long-talked nights just an illusion? You can't tell me that it's possible to throw away countless of moments just like that. You can't forget plans for the whole eternity in one second. You can't. 
    Which yes was the true one? 
    The yes you said a year ago when you were asked if you were taking me as your husband...
    The yes you said today when you were asked if you wanted this divorce...
    Which one was the honest one? Which was sincere? I have never had any delusion. I knew you wouldn't love me like I love you. But then I looked into your eyes which were giving me hope for more. I looked into your eyes and saw a spark in them that ignited a fire in me. Today you extinguished it with one sentence. 
    And suddenly I could only see a void in them. Nothing else. 
    How am I supposed to live? How am I supposed to go on living with the thought that I've lost you forever?
    Maybe I was the problem. But does it matter now?
    I am surrounded by an ocean of people yet I feel so alone. Just like when he left. You took my hand then and showed me a piece of your world. You took my hand and told me everything would be okay. Nothing is okay without you. 
    Who is going to give me relief now when you are gone? No one can replace you. Just as I felt it as a kid, I know it now. 
    You are the only one for me. 
    That day you gave me a piece of yourself. I had been giving you parts of myself each day since then, until I lost myself. There's nothing left. I'm not here. I don't want to be here. 
    And I remember that day often. When I looked at you with my heart for the first time. But we were just stupid kids back then. Stupid kids with stupid dreams.
    If you could only knew that I only dreamt about you. 
    When I fell in love with you when we were kids, I knew you would be my greatest love. 
    What I didn't know back then was that you also would be my biggest heartbreak.
    Love, 
    Ozan.
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