Flashback |Yeongyu/Beomjun|

Twenty-one

Four days later...

Yeonjun smiled softly as he wiped some hair out of Beomgyu's eyes. Every day he prayed Beomgyu would wake up and come back to him. But a small part of him was glad that his dad got to him before Beomgyu could kill himself. He wasn't dead. He was safe. But... it also didn't make sense. Yeonjun knew damn well his father could have easily killed Beomgyu, so why didn't he? What was he planning?

This fear made Yeonjun even more reluctant to leave Beomgyu's side, even for a few minutes. No way was anything going to happen on his watch.

It was 10:00 pm when it first started. 

"Yeonjun...?" Beomgyu mumbled suddenly, his eyes slowly fluttering open. Yeonjun sucked in a breath.

"Beomgyu?? How are you feeling?" He asked, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Like shit..." Beomgyu mumbled. "Next time I see your dad, I think I'll return the favor..."

Yeonjun laughed slightly as a couple tears rolled down his cheeks. "Be my guest. I'm so glad you're okay."

"Hmm... Yeonjun... I love you, okay?... don't forget that... and..." Beomgyu's voice trailed off, and his eyes closed again.

"Beomgyu? Beomgyu!" Yeonjun said desperately as machines started beeping and the doctor rushed in.

"Sir, I'll need you to step outside." A nurse said, already grabbing his arm and leading him out.

"But-"

Too late. She already shut the door.

11:30 slowly came around, and Yeonjun was pacing yet again, when the doctor came out with a sad expression.

"I'm sorry, sir. We lost him."

*Yeonjun's pov (First person)*

I stumbled out onto the street, barely remembering to breath as the world blurred around me.

He couldn't be gone.

Could he?

Was that really what every happy moment we ever had together supposed to lead up to?

I need him. I need the loving, cute, stubborn, funny, boy he is... was. This is all my fault.

My selfishness made me lose what matters most to me in this damned world. I was crying uncontrollably as I raced through the streets. I've never felt so much pain. I was never even supposed to care, so why did I have to?!

Maybe he would still be alive if I didn't!

I slipped and fell to my knees on the pavement, but I didn't really care. We loved each other, how was this fair?

We had our ups and downs, but at the end of the day, we still went back to each other. We still cared about each other! 

I feel like dying. Like my whole heart got ripped in two, leaving only the worst behind. He was the best of me.

By this time, I stumbled into the apartment I had let him stay at, and collapsed onto the bed. The blankets smelled like him, and it only made everything worse. I wrapped myself in them and inhaled deeply.

Half of me wanted to kill myself. If Beomgyu wasn't going to live, then I didn't want to. I felt Mochi jump onto the bed and curl up beside me.

Maybe he even knew something was wrong.

"I love you." I sobbed. "I'll never stop loving you."

I pictured his sweet face in my mind, my heart aching. All I want is him. But yet, he's something I can't have. Why was everything my fault?

If I hadn't told Kai to tell him, he'd be okay!

If I had pushed him away from the beginning, Soobin would be alive!

All I ever did was cause people pain, and now it's my turn to suffer. But why'd he have to die? 

If he just wished to never see me again, it'd be different. But... death?

My dad just wants to rip away all my happiness. He took the source. My reason to live. It's over. I vaguely thought I should commit suicide.

What's the point of living through ever day if Beomgyu wasn't going to be by my side through it?

We didn't have a proper goodbye, either. Just a few words. I should've said more. I should've told him how much I love him, and that I'll never stop loving him. He told me he loved me, but it's not the same. What if he thought I didn't actually feel the same before he died...?

I'd make my dad pay. He took my baby away, now he can see what hell truly looks like.

(I LITERALLY CRIED, NO JOKE 😭😭😭 I almost didn't add the song, but now that I did, it just makes it ten times worse 😭😭😭 there's probably only going to be like two more chapters and maybe an epilogue though.

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Thanks for reading)