HAPPIER; jra ✓

034 | i like the feeling

"Why don't you believe him then?" Dakota questioned. "Morals aside, just be honest about how you feel about the situation."

"I only date one type of guy and.." she groaned as she struggled for words. "Every guy- I sorta associate the look that my boyfriend has as them being a dick and bad for me. And I know for a fact that both my exes would be willing to say some shit about someone taking advantage of them to get away with cheating."

"Could you please remind me how long have you known your current boyfriend for?"

"um.. like a year and a half I guess.."

"Okay, so you know the type of guy that your boyfriend is.. would you say that he is how you had just described?"

"Not at all," she quickly shook her head. "I've been staying since I met him that he's nothing like my exes- which originally I didn't mean it in a good way but I've realise that he's basically everything that I want in a relationship."

"From what you've told me throughout our sessions, your current boyfriend sounds like he's good for you," Dakota smiled. "I think that you might just need to accept that your boyfriend isn't your exes, and sort of disassociate his physical appearance from other's personalities."

"mh.."

"Would you like to go over ways to do so?" she asked, her eyes staying on the girl as she started fanning herself with her hand. "Are you okay?"

"Do you have air conditioning in here?" Adalyn asked as she grabbed her water bottle, taking a sip. "I feel really hot."

"The air conditioning's on," Dakota nodded. "Do you want to take off your hoodie? Or do you not have a shirt on underneath?"

"I don't want to.." she mumbled, gently pressing under her eyes to avoid any tears.

"Are you comfortable sharing why?"

"I.." Adalyn gaze trailed down to her arms while took a breath in and letting an inaudible sigh out, as she searched for words. "I hurt myself.."

"Was it an accident?" Dakota watched her hesitantly shake her head and wipe away a tear from her cheek. "It's okay. I'm glad you feel comfortable sharing that with me. Do you want to take your hoodie off or even push the sleeves up so you don't overheat?"

"okay.." she sniffled as she lent forward slightly and removed her hoodie, fixing the hem of her tee as she placed the hoodie beside her.

"When did you start hurting yourself? Remember you only have to answer what you're comfortable answering.."

"on the weekend.."

"Have you ever done it before then?" she received another head shake. "Has it even been a thought?"

"no.."

"Do you think there's a reason you've started doing it?"

"it's gonna sound stupid.."

"Nothing is stupid," Dakota reassured her. "Whatever reason you have is valid."

"I'm starting to not like the way I look.. and so now.. now when I look at my body in the mirror I like see the cuts instead of how fat I am.."

"Okay.. Can I ask what parts of your body you don't like?"

"my thighs.. and my stomach.."

"Could I come over there and see them?" she asked pointing at the lounge beside her, watching the other hesitantly nod.

"I guess.."

"Are you comfortable with me seeing them?"

"I think if I let you see them.. it might get me to- I don't know.."

"Is this something you want to stop or are you not ready for that step yet?" Dakota politely asked as she got up and made her way over to the girl. "Remember it's okay if you're not."

"I don't want people to find out.."

"Your boyfriend?"

"No," Adalyn quickly shook her head. "He already knows I'm not doing okay, I don't want to stress him out more."

"When are you seeing your boyfriend again?"

"I'm meant to leave next weekend.. but I think he might be coming home before then because he doesn't want to be on tour," she explained. "So I don't know what I'm going to do."

"And you don't want to tell him at all?"

"I think he might already know.. I made him stay on the phone with me yesterday cause I didn't want to be alone.."

"Does having company help you not want to hurt yourself?"

"well I was staying at my friends place.. and the first night was fine but then.. Tuesday night- well it was like five am on Wednesday and I.. I couldn't sleep and I know she was sleep and wasn't going to walk it so.. so I had gone to the bathroom and added.."

"Can I see these cuts?"

"mh.." she lent back slightly as she pushed up her shorts, one side at a time, revealing the few on each of her thighs. "and then I have a few on my stomach.. and I started doing it on my arms because I like the feeling.."

"I'm not judging you and I'm not trying to worry you.. but I want you to be careful if you continue, because the last thing you want is to cut too deep or for one to get infected and for it to harm your baby."

"I don't care.."

"I know you're not very excited at the moment but I'm sure the last thing you want is for something to happen," Dakota received a small nod. "Did having your boyfriend on the phone help stop the urge?"

"We both slept for most of the call but it was nice when I woke up and he was there.. I miss having him around.."

"Is there any chance you could go to Europe early?" she more so suggested, watching the girl shrug. "I think you should talk to him, you don't have to mention this, but you should mention how having him around helps.."

"mh.."

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A/N

:((