Anuj's claim to affection (A Karna-Arjun what-if story)

The last sliver of pride

Karna could have fought back against the accusation which sounded unfair even to Arjun's ears, but he only looked away from Arjun's burning gaze.

"I wish you had told me earlier, Arjun..."

Arjun felt water filling his lungs. It turned into ice inside his heart.

"It was not like I did not try, King of Anga," he said haughtily. "But you would cut off your armour and earrings before you call me your brother--so--" He looked pointedly at Karna's kawach and kundal. "--as per this dharma you and jyesht are so fond of, you cannot falsify your own words. You cannot call me your brother."

Karna blinked.

"Arjun, I said it before I knew the truth--of course I would never have said that if I knew--"

"Too bad," said Arjun fiercely.

His brother's face was ashen.

"Or maybe it is a convenient way out," said Arjun under his breath. "Since you are bound by your oath, you do not need to act on the knowledge at all, and nobody will blame you."

"Act on the knowledge? What do you mean by acting on the knowledge?"

"You know," said Arjun. "Accepting your worst enemies as your brothers. I cannot imagine anything more nightmarish."

"When did I ever say I hated you five?" said Karna, nettled.

Arjun's laugh was more out-of-control than he would have liked.

"When did you not say it?" he demanded. "We are the bane of Duryodhan's existence, are we not?"

"Duroydhan's--not mine--"

"Really, Angaraj, there is no need to go back on your stance now that jyesht has done as stupid a thing as tell you--why he could not have told me--"

"Arjun," interrupted Karna. "I am glad he did. It would have been a misfortune upon us all if he did not--there could have been more incidents like the duel in the future. It could be worse than the duel."

"Surely not worse than the duel," said Arjun in a monotone.

"I cannot tell you how much I regret it," said Karna in a desperate manner. "If I could go back in time, I would never--imagine--" He looked at Arjun's head wound again and spoke in a choked tone. "Why did you not tell me, Arjun?"

"Again I remind you of your oath."

"It was not an oath." Karna stood up impatiently. "Will you stop holding on to that stupid thing I said?"

"No," said Arjun. "If, when you did not know the truth, you could say something like that, there is no need to accept us as your brothers even after knowing it. I do not wish you to."

Karna's jaw clenched.

"Well, if you think I cannot falsify my oath, I am going to cut off my kawach and kundal and wait for you to ask me to accept you as my brother, Arjun."

"I won't ask," Arjun said, "so save yourself the pain."

"I am still going to try."

Karna produced a knife. Arjun watched him, frowning, wondering where he planned to go with this.

Since he had considered the 'oath' to be unbreakable--because cutting off the kawach and kundal was surely the same as making the sun rise from the west--he did not realize what was going to happen till his brother lifted the knife to his collarbone and the first drops of blood appeared with a slash.

"JYESHT--WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Arjun's scream was strangled as he lunged for the knife in Karna's hand.

For a while, both of them struggled with the knife; then Karna twisted it away. Arjun suddenly found tears in his eyes.

"You called me jyesht." Karna's face crumpled, too. "The breaking of the oath must indeed be working."

"What--don't be ridiculous--" Arjun succeeded in snatching away the knife and clasped it in both hands to keep possession on it.

"Give it back to me," said Karna.

"For what? You are not seriously going to--you can't cut off your kawach and kundal!"

"Try me," said Karna. 

Arjun gaped.

"Since I am not allowed to call you my brother if I own them, you leave me no choice but to cut them off."

"What kind of trickery is this?" demanded Arjun.

"Trickery?" retorted Karna. "You are the one who is hung up on the oath."

"I didn't mean it like th--"

"Give the knife back!"

Arjun clutched at it harder and turned to shield it; as Karna leaned towards him, Arjun noticed the bandage on his brother's shoulder--the wound he had inflicted in the arena.

The knife dropped from his hands as he lifted them to hold his own head to force back the untamed torrent of tears, and failed.

******************

"What?" asked Karna in alarm. He did not even notice the knife within reach. "Arjun, what's wrong? What happened?"

Arjun could not have spoken even if he had tried, he was crying so hard.

This was the reason the arrows had turned to dust surely--this wound on his brother's shoulder--how could he ever have done it? How could he ever justify it to himself?

Arjun pushed away his brother when he attempted to put his arms around him.

"Don't, jyesht--don't--I shot you--I drew your blood--I can't--"

Karna looked entirely bewildered. "When did you draw my blood?"

"Your--your shoulder--"

Karna glanced at his shoulder in bemusement. "This?"

Arjun nodded. His brother seized it and went on.

"If this hurts you so much, Arjun, can you imagine how much this--" He touched Arjun's head gently and indicated at the various other wounds on his body. "--this--this--all these--hurt me?"

"I was not your family when you did this."

"But you are now," pleaded Karna, "aren't you?"

It should have been the easiest thing in the world to say yes, because there was nothing more Arjun wanted. But this was something he could no longer say yes to, because he had already mistreated his pride enough.

Warriors did not accept charity.