Anuj's claim to affection (A Karna-Arjun what-if story)

The last sliver of pride

Arjun's pov

Amidst arrows disintegrating to dust and enveloping him with hatred, Arjun woke up to someone stroking his head.

"Jyesht--" he said automatically as he opened his eyes.

Then, he did find his jyesht, but not the one he had expected.

******************

Arjun moved out of range of Karna's arm convulsively.

"What--what are you doing here?" he asked in horror.

"I came to tell you how sorry I am," said Karna, "in the hope that you may forgive me."

"Sorry?" Arjun frowned. "Why would you be sorry for defeating someone in a duel?"

Karna's eyes moved to the side of Arjun's head.

Arjun wished there was no bandage there, a lingering reminder of how much he had disgraced himself.

"You did not even try to cause any serious injury," he said in as dignified a tone as he could manage. "There is no need for you to apologize, King of Anga. I bear no ill-feeling towards you."

"That was not what I meant," said Karna quietly. "I am sorry for treating my younger brother the way I did."

They stared at each other in silence. Arjun found his own consternation mirrored in his brother's.

For some time, Arjun forgot everything that had transpired in the past year. He forgot how determined he had been a few hours ago that he would ensure Karna never got to know of the truth. He forgot the duel; he forgot the nightmares; he forgot the hatred his brother had from him.

All Arjun knew was that Karna had called him his younger brother.

"How do you know?" he croaked at last.

Karna looked relieved; Arjun could not imagine why.

"Yudhishthir told me. He overheard you talking to Krishna. Just like you overheard your mother? You know, you guys should learn to keep an eye on the door if you want to keep secrets." 

Just as Arjun returned Karna's apprehensive smile, he remembered it all again.

He was not going to accept the charity of friendliness from someone who had always held him in contempt. 

He had lost all his pride in the arena, but maybe a sliver of it could still be salvaged.

"There is no need to apologize for that, either," he said coolly. "I still bear no ill-feeling towards you."

Karna's smile faded, too.

"Angaraj," Arjun added for good measure.

"I bear enough ill-feeling towards myself for the both of us," said Karna unexpectedly. "Look, Arjun--I know there is nothing that's going to take it all back--but can you please at least stop calling me Angaraj?"

"You are the King of Anga as far as we are concerned. We cannot call you our older brother, because we already have one."

"Yudhishthir called me his older brother earlier today."

Did he sound teasing?

Arjun scowled.

"Yes, jyesht is well-known for having no opinion of his own," he said with a derision he did not feel. "He would go and hug Duryodhan if Duryodhan would let him. He thinks he has been born simply as an instrument to uphold all the dharma in this world, whatever that means."

"Your jyesht is much more than that," said Karna in a strange voice.

"You don't know anything about him!" cried Arjun. "You--you're always hanging around with Duryodhan and Uncle Shakuni--and now you--you tell me about my jyesht?"