I Love You, Mr. Engineer

29. Jealousy

"You're lying, right?" said Pran with narrowed eyes. 

"Lies? About what?" asked Max confused. 

Pran pointed at Max's face and twirled his index finger in front of Max's eyes, until his friend got annoyed and swatted his hand away. 

"You're not sick. Not as bad as I thought." 

"I don't understand what you mean, Pran." 

"There's no way you're sick, with a face that bright! You smile everywhere, to make people afraid!" 

"What do you mean, I smile but it scares people instead. Are you making fun of me?" 

"Pran means, you usually have a hard time smiling, so when you smile all the time other people find it strange and suspicious," said Leon, who came carrying a tray of lunch. 

He saw Max's tray containing two bowls of gyudon. 

"Max, are you going to eat two bowls at a time?" he asked. 

Max shook his head and smiled broadly.  "No. This is for Ken. He will be having lunch here with us. He wants to make sure I eat and take my medication properly." 

Pran and Leon locked eyes. 

"Max," said Frank. "You and Ken are dating?" 

"Huh? No," Max answered calmly. "Not yet." 

"But--" Pran's words were cut off by the exclamations of several girls at another table. 

Pran, Leon, and Max turned together and saw Ken walking closer to their table, accompanied by the teasing of the girls to which he responded with a sweet smile. 

Max felt his heart tingle seeing Ken's smile to the girls. Ken smiled at Pran and Leon. 

"Hi, guys, may I join? The menu at my faculty is a bit boring." 

Max shifted his seat to make room for Ken. 

"Hi, doc, I think of all the faculties, medicine has a canteen with the most variety of food," Leon quipped, laughing. He looked behind Ken. "You came alone, doc?" 

Ken laughed. "Hm. Foy has to meet with the professor after class and Danai has made an appointment with her cousin from art school." 

Max handed Ken a bowl of gyudon and a bottle of mineral water. "Eat. It's already late," said Max in a flat tone. 

Ken raised an eyebrow, surprised at Max's cold demeanor. He glanced at Pran and Leon, but both men shrugged. 

Pran and Leon had almost finished their lunch while Max and Ken had just started. They quickly finished their food and the two said their goodbyes, leaving Max and Ken to eat in silence. 

Ken finished the gyudon in his bowl quickly then stood up after finishing.  Max took Ken's hand and held him back. 

"Ken, where are you going?" asked Max confused. "Why are you eating so fast?" 

Ken stared at his hand which was held by Max. "I don't like eating cold food in a colder setting," Ken said in an even tone. "I'm afraid to freeze." 

Max gasped at Ken's words and immediately realized what he meant.  He pulled Ken's hand gently so he sat back down where he was before. 

"I'm sorry, Ken. Don't be mad, okay?" 

Ken sighed. "What is it?" 

"No, nothing. Just being silly." 

Ken brushed Max's hand away. "Tell me, what bothers you so much?" 

Max looked down and took a deep breath.  "I ... don't like you smiled to those girls," Max said softly. 

Ken's eyebrows rose. "They just said hello." 

"They're trying to get your attention and you're giving them chances." 

Ken stared at the tall, big man who was cranky while holding back his laughter.  He reached over and rubbed Max's arm on the table. 

"You are jealous?" 

Max saw Ken's white hands caressing his tan arms and realized that his heart was melting. 

"Yeah, I'm jealous. You make everyone want you and you give them hope. What if they actually try to get to you?" 

"Leave it. That's their right. How do I act or look so they don't see me? Do I have to wear a mask or disguise myself with a fake mustache and sunglasses?" 

"It's not like that," Max moaned desperately. "Aah... I'm so annoyed." 

Ken patted Max's arm. "That's why we can't date, Max." 

"Hm? Why? Because I'm jealous?" 

"For one thing. You haven't fully believed yourself that I'm the right person for you. You don't believe me that I am the right person for you. You don't believe me that I'm only going to look at you, no matter how glamorous everyone else around us is.”

Max looked into Ken's beautiful eyes. “I… never felt anything like this before,” Max muttered.  It's confuses me."

Ken smiled and nodded. "Me too. I've never had any feelings for anyone, because I've experienced, when you put feelings too deeply for someone, you will feel immense pain when your feelings are ignored or not responded to."

"Is this about your parents?"

"Yes and no. Admit it, Max, we're both vulnerable. You've just been betrayed by a girl you care about and it's been in your future plans. I have experienced a form of betrayal that has made me feel worthless and unwanted by the two people who matter most in my life.  Plus, we are both men and the relationship between two men can be very strong or it can be very fragile.  To me, we don't have enough faith yet to make a strong relationship."

"But--"

"You said I just needed to be your friend, right?" 

Max nodded wearily. "I'm sorry, Ken. You must think I'm ridiculous." 

Ken laughed and stroked Max's hair.  "No. I just want us to give each other a chance and time for what we're feeling right now. If we can be together, then we'll find a way to get there. If not, we can still be friends without being awkward." 

Max stared at Ken with unreadable eyes. "I understand." 

"Maybe on your way there, you will meet someone better than me, man or woman. I might be the same way. One thing you need to know, when I decide to be in a relationship with someone, I want it forever."

Max smiled and flicked Ken's nose. "I will try to get you and be forever for you. Just watch!" 

Ken chuckled. "Take your medicine, Max. What time are you coming home?" 

"Three o'clock. I'll pick you up." 

"Just go home. I just finished class at five." 

"I'll wait. We'll have dinner together." 

Ken nodded and smiled. He stroked Max's forehead before leaving. 

Two men watch Max and Ken's interaction. They exchanged glances, then one of them picked up his phone and sent a message.

***