Across the Years (Beymani)

Chapter Six: Possibilities

Beyoncé's POV

There was a gap in the journals that went from November 1868 to March 1869. I knew that Normani's sister, Renée, married in December of 1868. And by May of 1869, Normani's own wedding preparations were in full swing.

Normani had her dress fitted and her bridesmaids selected. Her bridesmaids were Renée, Ryan, and Anne Laurent, a cousin of hers from her mother's side. Many of these journal entries went over the details of the wedding, which Normani seemed to write with little enthusiasm.

As the wedding drew closer and closer, it seemed she made more of an effort to not mention her attraction to women. I assumed she was trying hard to push her forbidden desires out of her mind.

She also spoke of going to church quite often, and her husband-to-be. Apparently, he was working long hours at his family's trading house. Normani explained that, because he worked for so long, he had to keep a small room near his office so that he could sleep throughout the day. That saved him from having to travel all the way back to the Rhodes Manor when he was tired.

Trevor had also seemingly joined one of those exclusive clubs rich people love talking about; the kind consisting of dull men sitting around, smoking cigars, talking business, and playing cards. It was called the Hallcroft Club, and Trevor appeared to be the leader of it. 

Much to my dismay, Trevor did seem to have at least a slight effect on Normani. He always went out of his way to be charming and gracious. He regularly gave her compliments and little gifts. Normani spoke of a tiny carved figurine he had brought back from China just for her.

I had indeed found a small carved figure of an elephant in the chest with Mani's stuff. Its design was characteristically Asian, so I assumed it must've been the gift in question.

When Trevor worked his charms and filled Normani with his sweet talk, she became much more receptive to the idea of marrying him. I found myself not liking him, not simply because he was engaged to Normani, but because I got the impression that he was a phony.

The words silver-tongued devil came to mind. Normani, though she didn't love him, believed he truly was a great guy. She further believed she could grow to love him. So, in that respect, she was grateful to be marrying a handsome, adventurous, intelligent, charming and honest man.

Personally, I thought she was being a bit naive.

June 22nd, 1869

Trevor came calling today, and took me for an early evening walk through the park. The full moon was out and the atmosphere was indeed very romantic. This was the first time I'd seen him in nearly a week. His work with the trading house has been taking up so much of his time lately.

Throughout the evening, Trevor kept going on about how my beauty was even more enhanced by the glimmering light of the moon. He likes telling me how beautiful I am. It feels good to be complimented so often, but sometimes, I wonder if he notices anything else about me.

Despite this, it helps to know that I may come to love him one day. I believe that I will make a fine wife, and that I will be happy with him, even though I have fears about the wedding. I tell myself that my doubts are all just nerves, and that once all this is past, I will properly settle into my role as Mrs. Rhodes. If I say it enough times, it will be true. I will come to enjoy my new life. The way Trevor looks at me, it is quite clear that he is smitten. Thus, I must put in some effort, as well.

In addition to our wedding plans, Trevor also spoke of all the wonderful parties we shall have in our home, and how I will be able to meet the upper crust of British society. He spoke of the travels we shall share. He has such a way with words. I found myself getting caught up in them. That gave me hope. Hope that I can be normal.