Y/N looked at the picture displayed at the funeral with empty eyes. Who was that woman? Was it her mother? She never saw her smiling, so she couldn't tell. It had been a long time, after all.
It was weird how she felt empty when she was supposed to feel good. Y/N hated her mother, so why wasn't she smiling, laughing, or having fun? Why was she so quiet, feeling her mind stop thinking about anything?
Why were they placing a picture of her mother smiling when Y/N never saw her smiling before? When she killed herself with her own hands? It didn't make sense.
She was the only one there, with a bunch of Mr. Kang's men at the door. They paid their respect and prayed and left and she was alone. Sitting there, she just stared at her mother's picture with one thought replaying in her mind.
Why would you hurt a little kid?
Y/N was only six, but she couldn't forget or forgive her parents. One who left his family for another woman, and one who left her child for her freedom.
She was a kid but she wasn't clueless. She knew very well that the world was unfair and it wasn't her fault, but it hurt. Having Mr. Kang healed a big part of her heart, but there was still that part that was too damaged by her family line.
Why?
"Y/N." Mr. Kang called and she looked up at him with empty eyes. He knew very well how she felt because he was the one who raised her. Although she never talked to him about her mother or father, he did.
He knew she was so strong, but that was the problem.
"I'm okay." She smiled weakly as he sat down next to her, leaning on the gray wall. He didn't say anything for a while, and the two of them just sat there while listening to the cries of the mourners in the other rooms.
"Is it bad I'm not feeling anything?"
"You are," He muttered, slightly nodding. "When you feel everything at the same time, you start feeling nothing. And... it is bad."
"What do I do?" She silently asked, looking back at her mother's picture. "She's gone... who will I be angry at? Where do I put all this anger and pain?"
"You cry." He said and she tensed.
"I won't cry for her."
"It's not for her, she's dead. It's for you." Mr. Kang rested a hand on her shoulder and sighed. "Bid her farewell, and grieve. Then you go on with your life."
"I'll be fine."
"At times, the fact of her absence will hit you like a blow to the chest, and you will weep. You will break in pieces, not because you're sad she left, no. Each time you'll be reminded that you can't be angry at her anymore, and I think that might hurt more than anything else."
She just listened, staring at the floor before she sighed heavily. "I'm fine."
"Don't carry that burden, Y/N. It's not your fault." These words made her heart break more than it was supposed to. What happened was not her fault, she knew it very well, but she couldn't help but feel like shit.
"Thank you." She managed to flash him a half-smile and he nodded, patting her back to bring her some comfort. She knew he would always be there for her, no matter what happens.
"I'll be outside. We can go back whenever you're ready." She nodded at him and looked back at her mother's portrait, wrapping her arms around herself. Then the sound of the door was heard as she slowly turned her head to see who it was, only for her whole world to stop.
He wasn't supposed to be there. Why would he even come to this funeral? How could he?
Y/N just stared at him with eyes full of hatred and disbelief as he silently bowed at the dead. She wanted to slap him, scream at him and even kill him. He was the reason why her life was ruined, why she had to carry all that pain when she was only a child.
"How could you..."
"Let's not make a scene in front of her." He pointed at the portrait and looked away. "I'm only here to-"
"Shut up. You don't get to speak- fuck it, you don't even get to be here!" She screamed, pushing him towards the door. "Get out... leave!"
He stood at the door while looking down at his feet, not able to look at the child he abandoned some years ago.
"How have you been?"
Y/N felt like the world around her stopped and she was going back to the day when her father decided to leave them. She was young, but she could remember the look in his eyes when he told them that they weren't worth spending his time on.
"You..." She started, thinking of anything that will expose how mad and how heartbroken she was, but there weren't any.
"I've been working hard for my family." It hit her hard. When the two of them met after years of no contact, her father started talking about his other family.
About his other wife and other kids.
Apparently, he had two boys. One who was in college and one who was still in high school. It turned out that the other woman was the only woman in his life, and that her mother was in fact the other woman.
Y/N could picture them as a family of four happy members, a loving mother, a hardworking father, and two kids that made their parents proud.
She knew her father wasn't proud of her, after all, she was the other woman's child. But perhaps if he gave her a chance and loved her the way he seemed to love his two boys, she would have done her best to make him the proudest father in the world.
The burning sensation in her chest intensified. She didn't know why it bothered her so much that he was doing well. She tried to brush it off but every time she did, the burning sensation above her rib cage returned with a vengeance.
