Variegated Entropy (TF2 X Reader)

Chapter One

"Damn it, (Y/N)! Damn it!"

My friend shrieked at me as she pasted makeup over the somewhat fresh marks on my forearms. The hairdressers behind me tugged and pulled at my hair, spritzing it with water and running multiple combs through it. I looked like some ancient deity, limbs sticking everywhere and multiple heads popping up and down as my friend and the hairdressers tried to work their magic.

"You told me no more, (Y/N)! No more!" Janet tossed down the foundation and concealer with a loud clatter, loud enough to make the other actours and crew whip their heads around. Her voice was firm, yet edged with concern and slight annoyance. She sat down with a sigh and beckoned me to sit in front of her on the padded red chair, holding her head in her hands. I watched her lower lip, pink and plump, quiver slightly before she straightened up like a soldier and reached for the makeup again.

"You know it's not good, (Y/N)... Please..." Her hands moved around my face, caking it in foundation and accentuating bits and pieces of it. But I wasn't listening to her. I was focused on her body. She was effortlessly beautiful, with soft beautiful mocha skin and frizzy dark brown hair that clung like a cloud on her head, accentuating her beautiful round face. Her eyes were a deep amber that sparkled when she laughed and her body was the perfect pear shape. God, how I wished I could be as beautiful as her.

But I can't. And I can't stand to see myself in the mirror. At this moment, all I want to do is scream and smash the mirrors with the nearest curling iron, running out of the room and to a dark void where there are no mirrors, no preppy hairdressers, and no light. No way to see myself. No way for anyone to see me. Speaking of curling irons, the shortest hairdresser made her way over to me, tugging my hair again while she wrapped it around the shaft of the burning cylinder. Yes, that would do nicely.

But again, I can't. I have a show to put on.

I'm snapped back to reality by Janet pushing the black contacts into my eyes gently. The film settled nicely over my irises, covering only one hideous part about me. Well, one is better than nothing, I suppose.

I look at myself in the mirror, despite my better judgment. I peered at my face, then to my gray pleated uniform skirt and white lace blouse. I whipped back around, avoiding looking at the mirror. I couldn't do it. I smiled at Janet, then walked back to my assigned dressing room.

I flung the door open and ran inside, pseudo-slamming the door behind me. I ran over to the bench and plopped down on it, once again avoiding looking into the mirror.

There was a part of me missing. Like a hole in my heart that no amount of tossed roses or applause can ever fill. I was broken. The question was: would I ever be fixed?

As I pondered, crew called.

"Ten to places!"

"Thank you, ten!" I yelled back.

I popped a lozenge in my mouth, sucking it gently as the lemon and honey flavours ran down my throat. I sat there and shut my eyes while the hard drop disintegrated in my mouth, reflecting. Nothing in particular, just life in general. What brought me to this method of coping. My thoughts were interrupted by crew shouting again.

"Five to places!"

"Thank you, five!"

I stood up, brushing my hands over my pleated skirt, smoothing it over my figure once again. Time to start. I opened the door with a feigned smile and made my way to the side wings. I always made it a point to be punctual. I had nothing else but this, why not be early? Well, that's not true. There was something else that kept me going. But now was not the time to be thinking of it. Now, I had to be in the right mentality.

I bumped into the prop table on accident while trying to navigate the dark room, making the edge push into Eæthan's ass. He turned back to me, face contorting into confusion. Fuck. He eyed me up and down, his bright green contacts traveling along his irises, boring a hole through my body. His fake orange mustache twisted into a smile as he waved a purple gloved hand at me through the darkness.

"You ready, (Y/N)?"

I nodded, still trying to get a grip on reality. Eæthan's always been kind, but he never really interacted with me. We knew each other vaguely. We worked together many times before, but we'd never really talked. Why now? Whatever. Not the time, (Y/N).

"Places, everyone!"

"Thank you!"

I moved into my position from where I was to come out and helped Eæthan get into his place. The music started and I mouthed something to Eæthan.

It's showtime.

♤◇END◇♤