Attraction ~ a STONY Story ~

Chapter 16

Bucky opened the door, expecting another fist to hit his face, but there was no one there. Even worse - everything was gone. His things were all gone. He was gone.

"Steve, that's not you," Bucky whispered into the room, hoping Steve could still hear him.

It wasn't right to run from it. That wasn't a solution. Steve wasn't that kind of person. He ran towards the people. No matter how big and strong they are. No matter how loudly they opened their mouths, Steve rebuked them. They all. Even if he had suffered from it.

But something was different this time. What if he can't forgive himself. What if he can't face himself.

What happened... happened. Nothing can change that.

And as much as Bucky would like to remember everything about Siberia, he can't. From the moment Iron Man shot his arm off to the moment Steve picked him up off the ground, it was all gone. He looked blurry at the cold concrete floor and heard a loud bang. But he didn't know what had happened between them. Steve didn't talk to him about it. Neither in Wakanda nor after.

Steve closed himself off. Above all. Even in front of his oldest best friend.

That wasn't Steve. He wasn't really like that, Bucky knew.

But not only Steve was different than usual, Bucky was too and so was Tony. 

If you can believe the stories. He was different before he became Iron Man. Before he became an Avenger. Before he pulled into a fight against Captain America. Before he came back from Siberia. He was different. A little more each time. And each time something more of him was missing.

Steve was different too. He had lost so much. His time, his friends, his past life. But what prevented him from starting a new life? 

Each of you has seen things, done things, lost people. Each of you had your own pack to carry. Great responsibility towards his country, the world and his own life.

Each of them felt fear, pain and suffering. But maybe also hope?

Bucky sat down on Steve's cleaned bed. There was nothing personal about it anymore. It was like a regular bed. Ready for the next guest. Like in a hotel. Nothing left behind. As if no one had ever touched it.

Bucky leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees, and buried his face.

What had he done? Was it wrong? 

No! It felt right. If only for a blink of an eye. Bucky had to try. He wanted that kind of relationship with Tony. He had confessed that to him before.

But Steve's reaction brought not only a slight smile to Bucky's face but also shock, fear and pain in Tony.

Bucky wanted to draw out Steve's fighting spirit. But that's not why he kissed Tony. It was because he really liked him. It was because he really wanted him. It was because he really wanted to be with him.

But everything turned out differently. As always. That was life.

Bucky never wanted to fall off the train. He never wanted to be kidnapped by Hydra. He never wanted to be a killer. But now he is here. Has experienced all this and needs to move one. He must. For himself. For the world. For the hope of a better future. And for Steve. For Tony.

Steve brought out something in Tony that scared him. Even Bucky was afraid of how Tony react to Steves behavior. What had Steve done to him?

Bucky recognized the fear in Tony's eyes. He had seen this many times in the eyes of his victims. He had seen the fear in Tony's father and mother. He felt her pain. Each. He feels the pain deep in his chest for every life he took. And there was nothing he could do about it. All he could do was keep going, doing better. Save as many lives as possible.