Teenage love just as any other

Untitled Part 3

A month or so has passed from the last insident with Zed. I have been studing hard and not parting much, occasionaly having movie nights with Marissa and Clare. Sometimes the others come along, we get a little tipsy and play board games, but never all night long so I could get up early and to cacth up with my studies. I'm academically pretty successful at the theory subjects, but because of my speciality - which is piano - I still have to practice at least 6 hours a day. This month for an example, most of my time is spent on playing "sound ladders" in every key possible. I have to be ready for the exam, it's already this Thursday. This exam appoints whether or not I'm granted the scholarship for the year. It would honestly make my life so much easier if my living expences would be covered by the school. That would mean, that I woudn't have to ask my parents to send me 600$ every month, I know that kind of money doesn't come with ease. It's not that I'm poor or anything, I just don't like them paying my tuition, even though it's totally their own fault that they have to pay. They won't let me work besides studies, they say it attracts too much attention away from school and I would be too burnt out to enjoy my "sweet youth", as they call it.  So my only way is to live at someone's else expense. 

Anyways, I've been figuring out the scales and working my ass off to get A-s in every official subject. This is the last exam of the first period and I am actually pretty confident about it. I've been doing my best and there is really nothing more I can do now. So I have some free time to myself. Marissa, Clare and Olivia are busy. Our timetables don't match at all. After all, we are in different universities. They are all studying biology in the first year, their school is about a mile away from mine. We meet up from time to time, but not on schooldays. 

I decide to call my mom. I'm trying to talk with her or my dad once a week. But sometimes I just forget in the weekday haze. 

(Hey! How's it going?) I ask in estonian when she picks up.  (Oh, it's nice to hear from you!Nothing new has happened here, I was just going shopping, already looking for Christmas presents.) she answers and laughs softly. "Mom, don't go overboard with them this time," I say jokingly. "Yes yes, I know. How have you been lately?" she asks genuinly. Oh, I miss her, she's just the most caring person in the world and I know I'm hurting her by coming so far away from home for a whole year. "Good, good,"I say simply. But start to tear up anyway. I hope she doesn't hear me trying to hold back the lump in my throat. "Well okay, I'll call you in the evening, gotta go to the shop now, parking lot is already counting passed minutes haha"she didn't notice my sadness, thankfully. "Okay then, byee!" I manage to put on an I'm-okay-voice. "Bye, darling" she answers happily and hangs up.

I immediately start hiccuping and sharply inhaleing from holding back my tears. Realising there is really noone to see me in that stateandthen I just let go and cry openly in my dorm.  I don't even know why I'm crying, because I have thought it through and I have made myself clear (to myself) that I'm forfilling my dream by living abroad and studying music for real. That's the right thing to do, it would haunt me forever if I wouldn't have   accepted the invitation. And still I'm crying like a baby over being far from my parents. And this isn't the first time either, I have cried over it before, I thought it was already dealt with, but here I am, still feeling sad.

Okay, I just need a distraction, let's practice the scales again. 

........................................................................................................................................................

It's currently friday. I am relieved to say that I passed the scale exam with a straight A and all the sleepless nights because of it were worth it. My pianolessons in the evening are canceled due to my teacher catching a cold (whohoo) so I made plans with Marissa and Clare for another movie night and promised to wait for them outside their university.