Midnight Wanderings// Drarry

Chapter 28- Reconcile

I know updates haven't been as frequent and I am sorry. This seasonal depression has been kicking my ass.

Harry's P.O.V

It's been nearly a week since I strangled Dennis.

Nearly a week since I last spoke to Draco. Nearly a week that I've sat back and watched him with Dennis. I've watched as they laugh happily together. I've watched while Draco smiles at Dennis like he means the world to him. 

And it hurts. More than I'd ever imagined it would.

I've seen Draco without me before, of course. But I've never had to watch him be happy with someone else.

Even though it hasn't quite been a whole week without him I don't think it will ever stop hurting.

I should've known better. I should've done things differently. I came on too strong and now I've ruined everything between us. If I could take it all back and do things differently I would.

I'd do anything to see him smile at me again.

The moment I knew Draco wasn't doing anything bad I should've stopped following him. I should've reigned in this strong urge to protect him, to keep him safe. I should've done anything it took to keep him. 

I shouldn't have attacked an innocent boy just to prevent something that was never going to happen.

Though, as I watch the very same boy woo Draco, I don't have the same sentiments. He's hardly someone I'd call innocent. 

I can feel the rage and the fury- and the sorrow and despair- corrupting my very soul as I watch them walk together. So many emotions run rampant inside me that I don't know what I feel. Jealousy for one but also so much love. 

So much love for Draco that it burns, it aches deep inside me. My heart yearns for him and sometimes I swear I can feel my magic lashing out, grasping, reaching for his so strongly that I can almost feel the searing cuts left behind.

The pain of loving him yet never being able to touch him is too much. Unbearable even.

 I'd always known that a broken heart hurts. But this feels as if my very soul has been ripped apart and torn to shreds.

And even now as students pass by me and occasionally bump into me cheerfully talking about the upcoming Halloween dance, I still can't find it in me to smile.

Or even pretend to be happy. 

I'd never realized how close I'd become to Draco until I lost him. Never fully took in just how much I need him.

But as pieces of my soul slowly decay and scatter in the wind, I can't help but think about just how badly I've messed up.

And it is eating me alive. 

Draco hasn't spoken to me since he yelled at me in the corridor. I've thought about just going right up to him and Dennis while they're chatting happily and apologizing to the both of them profusely. Or even begging for Draco to be my friend again. But to Draco I don't exist anymore.

My presence has been completely ignored by Draco.

I'd like to think that he's just simply too busy.

He's too busy with his schoolwork, his new best friend, studying with Hermione, and teaching Grawp- to hang out with me.

Or even to speak to me.

 But once I adopted that train of thought I started spiraling. Did I not mean as much to him as he meant to me? Was I not important enough in his life to even give me the time of day?