..Wilted Flowers..

-Reminiscences-

!Tw! This chapter has sensitive topics such as Internalized Homophobia,bad parenting and hints at harsh discipline. If you're sensitive to this please do not read this!!

Billys pov:
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I didn't go to school today. I didn't feel like it. I also just didn't want to deal with those glares Donna has been giving me.
Since my dad would've never let me ditch I pretend to be sick, but to be honest I might actually be sick. Not the type of sick as in the flu but A different type of sick.. I've had no motivation to do anything, I just want to lay in bed. I want Griff back. I miss him so much. I think about him everyday and what we'd be doing if he hadn't gone missing.

The truth is I don't think he's okay...or eh even alive. Thinking about that hurt. It hurt worse than anything. I want him back. We could've had a future together, one where we were happy..but of course not. He probably wouldn't even like me like that. Gosh, I'm so sick and twisted for having those thoughts and feelings for him. It's wrong. It's not natural.
Why do I have these thoughts. These feelings? Maybe I shouldn't think about it much, he's gone so I can't even act on these feelings. Although I have known him since 2nd grade, so I guess my feelings are justified..wait no. What am I thinking. I'm a boy and Griffs a boy. That's so wrong and if I ever even thought of getting with him everyone at school would think I'm a total freak! Well, maybe I am a freak, maybe I'll never be able to fit in because of those feelings. I hate this, I wish I was normal. Why can't I have normal feelings? Why can't I like girls and not boys??

Those thoughts were really getting to my head, it was like I was drowning in them. I sat up quickly and moved to where my legs were hanging off the bed. I just sat there for a minute but I finally got up from my bed and headed to the kitchen to get water. I feel awful, I can't stop thinking about Griffin. Why cant I stop? He's gone, I should be able to get over him but I can't. I feel tears start running down my face. I'm so pathetic. Instead of trying to do something I'm standing here crying and moping.

I felt something rub against my legs I looked down and saw Harper, my dog, it was like she knew I was upset. I dropped down on my knee's and gave her a big hug, the tears started spilling out even more. I know she probably doesn't what's going on but she really helped.
I got up and grabbed my water, I then walked over to the couch and sat down. I took a sip of my water and set it down on the coffee table next to me. The tv in front of me wasn't on, I just sat there in silence. It wasn't a comfortable silence which was odd since It normally always is, instead it was a very awkward silence. I wiped my tears then I looked at the time, SHIT. ITS 5:36PM?! I've been doing nothing but soaking in my own self pity. I haven't even done one thing, dads going to flip. Fuck ,fuck ,fuck. I ran to my room and called Harper in then locked the door behind her.

Normally when dad gets off work he's super grumpy and when he comes home and finds out I've done nothing he'll be pissed. It doesn't matter if I'm sick or don't feel good, he makes me do stuff. He says it'll toughen me up. I personally think it's just him trying to get me to do the stuff he doesn't want to do. It's annoying. Last time he came home and saw that I had done nothing he totally lost it. He yelled at me for what seemed like hours. He said a lot of hurtful things. Since I didn't do anything dad decided that I need to be punished.

Uhm.. anyways, Harper sleeps in my room, she sheds a lot though so I have a lot of dog hair in my room haha. I think I'll just go to bed early. Really early. I normally go to bed around 8:00PM but going to bed at 5:54PM doesn't sound to bad. Hopefully dad won't be to mad. I'm definitely going to school tomorrow. I've realized that being alone doesn't help, it makes me feel worse. I already know tomorrow is going to be a long and painful day.
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A/N
Hello everyone!! I'm very sorry for the short chapters recently, I've been super busy and haven't had time to write full length and well written chapters </3
But I still hope you enjoyed reading them. :)