Hurts doesn't it? (Joshaya)

Need

MAYA
It amazes me how Josh always says the right thing at the right time. Like last night when he said it's not alright and that it won't be ok for a while. He was so right it hurt. But when I told him that I couldn't spend anymore time with him I died a little inside. He just makes me feel like I can do anything. Like I'm not afraid of anything. It's just scares me to know that I am capable of feeling that good when I know I shouldn't. As I'm sitting on the couch at Riley's my phone dings and I look down. It's from Lucas.
L: hey Maya. Want to hangout? Just me and you? Maybe I can cheer you up? :)
I smile at this and respond
M: yeah sure :). When and where?
L: I'll come to Riley's. Be there in 10.
I wonder if Riley will be mad at me. I don't think she will. I'm pretty sure she knows Lucas and I will only ever be friends. As I head out the door I hear Riley ask me "hey Maya where you going?"
"I'm going to hang out with Lucas for a while" she gets this concerned look on her face.
"And what are you guys going to do?" She says in her 'I'm trying to stay calm' voice
"Look Riley were just friends and that's all we'll ever be. I know he doesn't think of me like that. He thinks of you that way not now will he think of me like that not ever" she smiles and hugs me before I leave. I smile and head out the door. Once I hit the first floor i see Lucas standing there smiling. I open the door and let the cold breeze hit my face. "Hey Maya. Where you want to go? There's one more day at the carnival want-"
"No!" I say harsher than I meant to.
"Okay sorry"
"I want to get ice cream. Let's get ice cream"
"Ok sure" he says. He brushes his hair back and puts his hands in his pockets before starting the conversation.
"So if you don't mind me asking, why were you so upset last night?" Part of me wants to tell him but part of me says I can't. I don't think I should lie to him. Should I just tell him. I think he can keep a secret. I don't want him telling Riley. Because if Riley finds out everyone finds out and I can't risk that.
"Just guy troubles" I say. He laughs "what?" I say.
"Nothing. I just didn't know you were seeing someone"
"Well I'm not really seeing him he just kinda is always there and we've hung out and stuff"
"Huh" he says. As were about to cross the street I look ahead of me and see what I think is josh.
"Um maybe we shouldn't go for ice cream" I say
"But I want to go Maya. We're going" I can't let Josh see me with Lucas. He'll think I'm with him and that's why I can't talk to him anymore. Oh god oh god. All this is to much. All these emotions are rising to the surface after being buried deep in my dungeon of sadness. As I'm standing a few feet behind Josh I start to panic when he starts turning around. Once he's almost around I loose it and run the other way. I run away from Lucas, from Josh, from my feelings. "MAYA!" I heard Lucas yell. I run a while until I reach the park near Riley's. I sit on the swing and catch my breath it takes me a few minutes but I finally catch it. I feel my legs shaking from the cold, my brain aching from all of my spear pointed thoughts and my heart racing because of all of these untamed emotions. My feeling for Lucas are friendly. While my feelings for Josh are much much more then friends. There way deeper than friendly. I don't know what I'm feeling but it's confusing as hell. I see a shadow in the corner of my eye I look over and see Josh. I get up and start walking but he stops me in my tacks when he says "I need you" no one has ever needed me in my life. My mom doesn't need me. She has me but she doesn't need me. My dad never needed me, Riley never needs me. But Josh. He needs me. "What do you mean?"
"I mean I need you to survive. I need you to be able to breath air. I need your to live. I think I've figured it out Maya. Your my drug. You make me feel so alive but so dead at the same time. You make everything simple. You make everything easier. SO MAYA HART I NEED YOU" he yells.