The black clouds outside, together with the relentlessly pouring rain, seem to represent a little bit of my life right at the moment. I can't move, I can't breathe. I'm seeing it but I can't take it in, I can't believe or comprehend the situation. There's Lewis, on life support, counting every second of his life remaining, unconscious. All the bruises seem to scream out his pain. There's nothing I can do to make things better. I'm just standing here, watching the love of my life being helpless.
"Ms. Perez" I gradually hear the doctor's voice breaking through my endless thoughts.
He's holding a folder - Lewis's medical record maybe. I notice the crease on his forehead and his empty eyes just above the surgical mask.
"Yes doctor?", I manage to mumble.
"You look exhausted, maybe you should get a coffee or something". He says, looking concerned.
"No, that's okay" I say.
"I know you're really worried, naturally. But just hold on, he's pretty critical but we're trying our best".
"I know, thank you"
He sighs and walks away. I'm pushed back to my thoughts, grievance taking over me. I unknowingly glance at my fingers, placed on my thighs. I see the ring on my finger that Lewis gave to me when he first proposed to me. I remember how he bought me a dress and said it was a prom at the ballroom. I dressed up and couldn't stop adorning how wonderful the dress looked. It was a cream colored empire silhouette, made of silk. I entered the ballroom and saw the most beautiful setting ever. There was a buffet and about a hundred tables covered with purple velvety tablecloth. All of Lewis friends and family members were present and a few of my close friends attended too. I didn't know what was going on until I was under a spotlight. Another spotlight from across the room brought a figure to my sight. It was Lewis, he was wearing a white tuxedo, holding his gaze on me. He slowly approached me, knelt down and held the ring in front of me.
"Ms. Natasha Perez, Will you marry me?" He asked, his eyes were filled with desire and I could see the longing in them for me to say yes.
It felt like I had wings coming out of nowhere. Like I had never been as high, ever before. I could feel my heart all the way up my throat, thudding under my chest. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.
"Yes, yes I will" I finally said, biting my lip.
I saw the widest smile spread across Lewis's face, his eyes glinting. He raised his palm towards me, and I put my hand over it. He caressly gestured my ring finger over the others, and slid the ring on it. Everyone clapped and there were celebrations all over the ballroom. Then -
"Isn't it beautiful?" I hear Eleanor, vanishing all my thoughts in a tenth of a second.
I look up to her and nod. Eleanor, Lewis's mother, is around 65 but still has the charm that could shame young beauties. She gave me a reassuring smile, slightly crinkling her wrinkles. She was still in her night dress, she probably didn't bother changing after knowing her son met with a fatal accident at midnight. Lewis took me for a late night long drive in his Aventador. I asked him to stop after we passed an icecream parlor. I insisted and got out of the car and headed over to the parlor which was on the other side of the road. I almost decided on my rocky road when I heard the crash. A large truck crashed into Lewis's car. I was numb at the sight -
"Did the police report in yet?" I found myself asking
"Yes, it was a break failure they said" replied Eleanor.
"Oh"
I slowly shift my gaze onto the window in the ICU and stare in disbelief. I see Lewis, his chest raising and falling back down again. The cardiac monitor shows his escalated heart rate.
"Oh my god" I gasp and look around frantically in search of a nurse. I see one on the staircase near the end of the corridor and rush towards her.
"Excuse me, please come with me my fiancé is reacting abnormally"
"Which room?"
"The ICU, unit A"
"Hold on a second, I'll just get the doctor"
"Okay"
A minute later, the doctor approaches the room, followed by three other nurses.
They try to calm Lewis down and a few minutes later the monitor shows his heart rate dropping below average.
"The beats are too slow, get the defibrillator" I hear the doctor say.
One of the nurse nods and brings in the defibrillator and hands it to the doctor.
I feel Eleanor clutching onto my hand.
"What's happening?" she's crying
"It's okay, he'll be fine" I hear myself say
I feel tears rolling down my cheeks, my heart pounding. I gasp for breath but my whole system is shaking to the core.
I see the doctor trying to get Lewis's heart to respond to the defibrillator and return to the normal rate. He keeps on pushing Lewis heart to react, everyone's eyes are on the cardiac monitor. While having a thousand thoughts and feelings at the same time. Eleanor's burst into tears, I can't breathe, the doctor's almost sweating with all the effort and the nurses are constantly handling other life support systems. There is peak panic when suddenly Lewis's heart reacts and starts beating to the normal rate. I breath out a sigh of relief, Eleanor manages to wipe away her tears and gives me a smile. The doctor finally calms down. Everything gets back to normal.
I get closer to the window and stare down at Lewis, only to see his pulses rise again. Then they stop, everything stops. The monitor has a straight line showing up and I'm frozen to the spot, shocked inside out.
I'm numb. He's dead.
