insomnia | e.jaeger

14 • kiss me

"so what was it you wanted to show me?" you asked kevin as you sat at the edge of the bed in what you assumed was his room. he sat next to you, looking at your side profile. the lights were off, only some LEDs that illuminated your features to him.

"just wanted some time alone with you." he shrugged.

you hummed, not really knowing how to respond. it was in an abrupt moment that you felt his lips meet yours. you were frozen in shock at first before you slowly started to respond to the kiss.

why?

you didn't know.

maybe it was because you hadn't had any kind of physical intimacy since you broke up with kris. it was also no shock that the only person who you had ever kissed was kris so feeling someone's lips who were unfamiliar to you on yours was somehow exciting. it was different. was it enjoyable? you trying to figure that out.

tw

kevin continued to kiss you, which you continued to reciprocate. that is until his hands moved from caressing your face to slowly caressing your hips. his lips moved from your lips to your jawline and slowly down your neck.

"kevin, stop." you breathed, when his lips were going further south.

his hands were now at the hem of your dress as he slowly laid you down. he hovered above you, raising his face to have his eyes meet with yours. "don't worry, baby. i'm gonna make you feel so good."

"no. just stop." you asserted. you tried to push him off you but he wouldn't budge.

it was then that you realized that all men weren't like kris and would take 'no' for an answer. kevin smashed his lips onto yours, his hand sliding under your dress while the other pinned your hands above your head. you writhed beneath him, trying to get him to stop as his hand worked to touch you.

you felt disgusted as fingers found their way inside of you, his face against your neck as he began to leave marks on your neck.

tw over

and just when you were about to lay limp and give up, a sudden force knocked kevin off and away from you. a clothing piece of some sort was thrown at you as you could see the figure throwing another punch to kevin, knocking him out.

"i should do more than just kick your ass." eren muttered, back facing you. "let me know when you're covered so i can turn back around."

you quickly resituated yourself, throwing on the jacket and zipping it up. you sniffled, trying to fight back the tears as you got up and tapped his arm. "get me out of here."

no other words were exchanged nor needed to be said. eren grabbed a hold of your hand and quickly escorted you out of the house. you were grateful that everyone was either too high out of their mind or drunk off their ass to really give you a second glance.

you got in the passenger side of eren's car. he looked to you before driving. "you okay? you want to go home? police department?"

your gaze was focused on your hands, trembling in your lap. your lip quivered as you shook your head. "i don't want to be alone. can we just go to your place?"

eren asked no further questions, knowing you probably didn't want to talk about it. you would when you were ready. the drive was silent, not even music to fill the silence.

you were disguting, you thought. you let a man touch you in ways that you had never been touched before. maybe you shouldn't have kissed him back. that was probably the consent he needed, one that made him think maybe you wanted him too.

if only you had been more assertive, stronger. why couldn't you push him off? you remembered there were times like this where kris would get handsy but as soon as you gave a slight budge or a small no, he stopped so why couldn't kevin?

thinking about his lips on yours made you want to hurl than and there. were you only gonna be able to attract awful men for the rest of your life? you looked over at eren as he parked in his designated parking space. he turned off the car, taking the key out of the ignition and stepping out before jogging over to your side. he opened your door, helping you out and making sure you were covered.

why was he such a gentleman? you held on to his arm in both comfort and support as you walked into his apartment building. inside the elevator, you leaned your head on his upper arm as tears slid down your cheeks.

you weren't good enough for eren. you were now tainted, dirty, and used. and worst of all? he saw it happen. after exiting the elevator, you walked the short distance to his apartment.

"i probably have some sweats and hoodies of mikasa's or armin's from when they stayed over for you to wear. i can run a bath or shower for you too if you'd like." eren offered as you entered.

eren cared so much for you and you never understood why. but you cared for him too. eren was a constant in your life. a constant source of support, comfort, reassurance. he's seen you for you and hasn't wavered from your side. you were so overwhelmed with the realization that you liked eren.

and then a crazy thought hit you. maybe eren would be able to make the disgusting feeling you felt go away.

so when eren came back with the extra clothes in hand you blurted, "eren, kiss me."