BLACKHOUSE [H.S.]

Fourteen

She never got the chance to do that.

I sit cross-legged in front of the marble stones, and pick at the grass below me in silence for a few minutes while the tears continue to stream down my face. I listen to the birds chirping around me and feel the warmth of the October sun on my back.

"I miss you guys," I whisper. "I wish you could be here so I could tell you about everything. I got a new job."

I chew on the inside of my cheek, keeping my head down towards the thick, green grass. "It's really cool so far," I sniff. "It's at a tattoo shop. I know you hated tattoos, mom."

I chuckle as I think back to the arguments her and I got into about them. I wouldn't stop talking about how badly I wanted one, and she would get so mad and tell me that I'd never find a real job if I got one.

"My boss is really nice," I smile, wiping my wet cheeks with my fingers. "He kind of reminds me of you dad. He has a warm personality, too."

My dad was the nicest man I've ever known. The only time he ever raised his voice was at the T.V. during football games. Even when he was really angry, he was always calm and collected. I think he leveled mom out a lot, she was always more aggressive than him. Not in a bad way, she just never had a problem with speaking her mind.

"Mal, I wish you could meet Cass," I sigh. "You guys are really similar, too. You would have loved each other."

I think that's the reason I connected with Cass so quick. They're both fiercely loyal to the ones they love. Even at thirteen, Mallory was tough.

My mom had to go to her school once and have a meeting with the principal because she'd punched a kid in the stomach when he said something mean to one of her classmates. Mom had to act like she was angry with her, but I overheard her telling dad how bad ass she thought it was. She was proud of her for standing up for her friend.

I get back onto my feet and brush off my black leggings. The tears have stopped, and although the pain of missing them still lingers, I feel almost at peace. I thought this was going to be a lot harder than this. I was afraid it was going to cause me to relapse, but I feel far from that.

Maybe I need to do this more often. I would like to bring Cass here eventually. It kind of feels therapeutic, in a way.

"I'll be back soon, okay? I promise," I nod, smiling.

I blow a quick kiss and start to walk back down the gravel path. I can't figure out how I'm feeling right now. Of course I'm sad, it would be crazy if I wasn't, but I'm also really proud of myself for doing this alone. I never thought I would get here, but a scary experience like the one I had on Sunday can change a person I guess.

I still haven't pieced together my thoughts about that night, or my conversation with Harry. The way he was acting was so strange. At first he was angry at me for showing up, but then he seemed offended by some of my questions. I assumed he would get defensive, though.

I just don't understand that man. He clearly has some anger issues he needs to work out, and I'm sure the drugs don't help.

I decide to stop for some coffee, and just as I turn the corner to head towards the coffee shop, I notice a familiar head of curly brown hair that's tucked under a black hood, walking into an alleyway. I stop in my tracks as my breath catches in my throat.

There's no way.

Is that.. Harry? What's he doing here?

I'm almost a thirty minute drive from his apartment. I had to take two different buses to get here.

I glance around me to see if anyone's watching, but there's hardly anyone out right now, just a few cars passing by here and there. I quickly walk in the direction Harry was headed, and tip-toe to the opening of the alley once I get closer.