Carolina [h.s]

twenty eight

My open pores ache. My teeth are sore. Breathing stings and pangs. Being awake isn't an option.

I lay in the middle of the lumpy mattress. The sheets are off my body and onto the floor because my skin is on fire. And then I'm freezing cold again. It goes on like this for what feels like a few hours.

When the unfamiliar room turns dark and I've slept the whole day. I don't know what time it is when the hotel door opens and V steps through.

She crawls in bed from behind me. Her chin on my shoulder and her arm around my chest, and she almost makes this manageable.

"Open your eyes," she touches my chest, my arms, and my face. And it's the first good thing I feel all day.

I opened up and red-blonde hair was above me as gray eyes leaked concern. "You're okay," she says softly, moving hair away from my face. I grabbed for her and she lets me. She allows me to pull her down and hold her under and does nothing to fight back.

"Tell me what to do," she says, her voice whispering on my neck.

My empty stomach turns and kicks from inside of me. "It hurts," I groaned between clenched teeth.

Bruises from my rib cage are now as painful as they look. Drugs wear off and when the pain sets in the withdrawal, it's the worst feeling in the world.

I'm blacking in and out. V's wiping sweat from my forehead speaking in hushed tones, soothing words up and down and trying her best. But it's nothing compared to what I will always need.

"I need it," I tell her, giving up when it's overpowering everything I have. "Find it, please, V."

"Maybe I should get Zayn—"

"No—" I cut her off with a strained shout. "Only you, just—" It's taking everything inside of me to speak. All of my energy is drained. "Just find it."

I hear her rummaging throughout the room. My belt buckle from my jeans hits the floor. She's in the bathroom and going through my suitcase.

"Harry," I hear in front of me. I opened my eyes to see her kneeling at the side of the bed. "I can't find anything,"

"Liar," I accuse her because she's thrown away everything before.

"I'm not, I swear you're all out. I checked everywhere." Her words are the worst thing I've ever heard.

"Why the fuck are you doing this to me?" I'm frustrated. She moves away from me and I'm pulling her back to apologize. "Stay," I'm hot and cold but this girl can keep up.

Vada pulls sheets above my shaking body, pressing herself against my chest. I ache everywhere but her soft touch distracts me as she talks about anything. Like why she thinks she's a bad friend because she's lying to her best girl for me.

"We keep doing this, this cycle never ends," She tells me.

"Say you hate me and never want me again," I say back, and when she says nothing I find myself smirking through pain because I'm still me under it.

"You're no good for me," She says instead.

I tilted her chin upwards. "Well, it's too late for all of that shit," I'm meant to sound playful, but my warning undertone is more than obvious.

When she thinks I'm asleep I feel her move, and she tries to get away. I grab her and pull her back towards me. "Stay like this for the rest of the night, it's a rule." and we do because that's our deal.

***

My eyes are the cleanest green they've been in years.

I wake up in an unfamiliar city to an empty bed and a knock on the door. I step over piles of clothes and move to open the door. Zayn is in front of me.