Spiderman's Sister

One last beautiful day?!

Bucky: Thanks..... even though it's my job to take care of you.

There they are again, the butterflies. After a short make out session, in which James makes 100% sure I don't miss out, there was a quick shower and breakfast before we got ready for one last relaxing day at the lake. It's so damn hot outside that I don't even bother to put on normal clothes this time. I just slip into my bikini while James is in just his swim trunks and we stroll down to the lake. Before we even get to the jetty, James has picked me up and is running towards the water. Before I can say anything he jumped off and we both dive into the water. It's fucking cold. After wiping my hair out of my face and the water out of my eyes, I give James a pouty look. While I have absolutely no problem with him taking me into the water, I at least want to pretend I'm pissed about it.

Bucky: Oh come on baby, it's just a little water.

Victoria: Maybe I didn't want to go into the water yet.

I'm probably not really convincing. He swims towards me, suppressing a grin, and pulls me close so I can wrap my legs around his waist.

Bucky: Hmmmm...... how can I make it up to you?

Victoria: I don't know if you can even do that.

Bucky: But I can try, right?

I shrug, seemingly unimpressed. He kisses me and spends the next half hour trying to make it up to me. And damn........ he's really doing his best........ and he's so damn good. Here at the lake, too, it's really difficult for us to keep our hands off each other. Nevertheless, we actually manage to swim a little between various make-out sessions. In the afternoon we doze off on the beach and in the evening James gives me a piggyback ride back to the cabin. We hop in the shower together and while I blow-dry my hair James takes care of our dinner. As far as I know there is pizza because everything else is used up so far. But while eating, the mood is suddenly different, no longer happy and in love, but somehow sad and gloomy. Although I was hoping that we wouldn't have this conversation until tomorrow, fate seems to have other plans. Because as James looks at me now, I know for a fact that we're going to have the conversation about our future now.

Bucky: Have you....... have you given any thought to what will be when we go back home tomorrow?

I put my slice of pizza aside and clear my throat. Now I'm suddenly damn nervous.

Victoria: Um...... I actually have.

Bucky: And what decision did you come to?

What's the best way to tell him? I want to be with him, I want nothing more than that. But I also have to think of Peter. And when to tell Peter, I just don't know. I take a deep breath before I speak.

Victoria: I'd like to keep it to ourselves for now.

Bucky: Ok.

Doesn't sound like it's ok. Instead of looking at me, he stares at his plate and pushes the leftover pizza crust back and forth.

Victoria: Doesn't sound like you're ok with that.

Bucky: No, it's ok. I guess I just had a different idea of ​​what this is.

Victoria: What are you talking about? I'm not saying we have to keep this to ourselves forever. But...... we still don't know what exactly that is between us.

At least we haven't talked about it yet.

Bucky: Until now, at least I thought I knew what this is.

Victoria: And what?

Bucky: I was stupid enough to think this was serious.

Victoria: I think so too.

Bucky: Then why do you want to keep it a secret?

Victoria: Because this isn't just about me. This is the first time that I'm in a relationship and with a friend of my brother's. I'm afraid that Peter might not accept that.

Bucky: And why shouldn't he accept that?

Victoria: Our whole lives it was just him and me. There has never been anyone else that has required the attention of any of us.

Bucky: I'm sure Peter would be okay with that.

It's just a mocking whisper.

Victoria: What the hell are you trying to say?

Bucky: That it suits you now that you can use Peter as an excuse.

Victoria: You didn't really say that just now. Are you serious?

The fact that he accuses me of using my brother as an excuse hits me harder than I want to admit.

Bucky: What? You told me yourself that you've never been interested in a long-term relationship. Why should it be something different with me?

That's exactly what I wanted to prevent. That's why I've stayed away from feelings my whole life. Because while I'm confident in my decision, this whole conversation is breaking my heart. Doesn't he see that I'm just trying to do what's best for all sides? As sad as it makes me, it also makes me angry. What does he think of me? That I try to please him, that he falls in love with me, only so that I can dump him now? I can't do this. I'm not going to be accused of making excuses or whatever just to avoid being with him. If I didn't want to be with him I would say so.

Victoria: And right now I can also remember why I wasn't interested in relationships in the past.

I push back the chair, get up and run to the bedroom. Before James can come after me, I lock the door. Fuck! The last few days have been so beautiful and now everything is in pieces. I want to be with him, hasn't he noticed that in the last few days? Now what I was afraid of is happening - I could lose him. But just because he doesn't want to accept my decision doesn't mean I can back away from it, right? Admittedly, Peter isn't the only reason why I don't want to tell anyone for now. Another reason is that my own feelings scare me. I've only ever known love from romantic comedies on TV. And then, out of nowhere, this feeling hits me like a blow. A feeling that I have never felt for anyone and then suddenly so intense. And that although I still haven't really known James for very long. It's all so confusing. Overwhelmed with anger and sadness at the whole situation, I throw myself on the bed, bury my face in the pillow and cry. Through the crying, I can hear the doorknob being turned.

Bucky: Vicky please open the door.

I don't want him to see me like this. And why does he even care? I'm just a coward to him anyway.

Bucky: Vicky please..........

He almost sounds pleading. But no, I can't and won't let him in now.