The Labyrinth of Fragile things

Chapter XVI- Feeling at home

John and I arrived at 221B at five in the afternoon. The car ride wasn't long, or at least didn't seem to be. John was telling me all about his life with Billy and what living with him was like. "I didn't think I could miss seeing a head everytime I opened the fridge, but with Billy's cooking stinking it out, I actually missed all the body parts."

To say that John's accounts were amusing would be quite the understatement.

~

"John!" Our landlady greeted us as soon we opened the door to our flat. She stood with her arms thrown in the air and came running towards us both.

"It's nice to see you too, Mrs Hudson.." John's voice was muffled between all the clothes. She pulled us in for a hug that would have usually have made me uncomfortable, but surprisingly didn't. Mrs Hudson and John Watson are the two people in the world that I certainly care about. And being in their close proximity was certainly a comfort.

"It's so nice to have the both of you back together!" John's complexion rose in colour slightly at the wording of her sentence.

"Well, it's nice to be back," John exclaimed as we broke free of her hug.

After a few minutes of talking with our landlady, we made our way back to our apartment. John opened the door and we were suddenly home. Everything was how I left it, even Billy was in his right place. I looked at John to see that he was taking in the surroundings. And myself it would seem. And then it dawned on me that I must have been staring at me like a fool. I felt my cheeks warm up immediately and forced my attention onto the pillow on the couch;the one with the British flag. It was suddenly very intriguing. In my peripheral vision I noticed John shaking his head and mumbling an apology.

"Sorry." I allowed my attention to focus on him once more. He was noticeably more interesting than the pillow. He appeared to be quite embarrassed too, hopefully not noticing my own awkwardness. "It's just..." He sighed and looked at me, trying to emit all his courage. "I can't imagine 221B without you. That, partially being the reason why I had to leave."

There it was again. That feeling of guilt. The only person who could ever make me feel ashamed of myself. And the worst part is that he doesn't even know the effect that he has on me. I hate John Watson sometimes.

"I understand. Living here without you was quite different actually.." I felt my voice soften as I spoke and I clenched my jaw. "How about we rearrange the apartment a bit? It's starting to look a bit dull." I didn't mean it. I liked how the appartment was, but anything that would of have gotten me out of my own awkward paradox was welcome.

"Uh, sure." John sounded a bit uneasy, but his eyes soon trailed to the suitcase he was holding. "I have to unpack my things anyway."

As I moved around some of the lounges (they all resulted to going back to their original position) and John was unpacking his suitcase, talking every now and then, my thoughts trailed to Mary Morstan. As much as I tried to focus on something, anything, else, my mind was plagued with thoughts of the woman.

"John..."

"Yeah?"

"You know Mary Morstan?"

"... Yes, I stayed with her for a bit while I was planning the case. What about her?"

"How come you never spoke of her?"

John stopped fiddling with his suitcase and looked at me with curiosity in his eyes. I didn't break eye contact with him, although I saw how confused he was with my question. "I guess I just never thought you would have any interest in hearing about her."

"It doesn't interest me," I replied rather hastily and looked away, my fingers dancing on my violin strings. For a moment there was silence and I begun to play a quick piece on my violin. I suppose it ended abruptly when I spoke of Morstan again. "When I spoke with Mary she seemed rather interested in a romantic relationship with you."

This time John didn't look at me, but only tugged at a blonde strand of his hair. He was thinking of what to say. He looked at me with a perplexed expression but still gave a reply. "Though I was grateful for Mary's hospitality... I wasn't looking for such a relationship...I just wasn't in the right state of mind.." In that moment John looked so fragile. I wondered how someone as... good as him came about to be standing in my living room. How did we become friends? What does John see in me that's worth his time?

I don't deserve him.

"I'm sorry, John," I hope I didn't sound as vulnerable as I felt. I placed my violin back in it's case, and took a step forward towards John.

"Sherlock, you don't-"

"I do." I stared at John's blue eyes. They seemed wider than they did a moment ago. He sighed in reluctance, his chest rising and falling with his breath.

"I'm sorry for all the grief I've caused you. I know that leaving you for two years was traumatic for you, but believe me when I say-"

"Sherlock, you really don't have to." John gave a small smile. I stopped talking, the words in my mind are suddenly erased at his smile. He looked taken aback, completely shocked by my sudden outburst. He regained his speech, and grinned while he was thinking. His cheeks created small dimples and he drew his sight to mine. "I forgive you, Sherlock. I love the fast paced lives we lead and even with the danger, I wouldn't have it any other way." I stared at him blankly for a time, the words registering with me. John accepts me. Suddenly Molly was brought to my attention, her words echoing through my mind. You must tell him. The words were on the tip of my tongue, I could feel them escaping my lips and changing everything. The prospect terrified me. "I was thinking we could go and visit Lestrade and Molly tomorrow," John's voice pierced my bubble of concentration and I raised an eyebrow. "Lestrade and Molly.. We can visit them tomorrow if you want?"

I gave a slight nod while John let out a yawn. It was night, and we both had pretty long days. I felt the weariness of the day dawning on me as well. "Wanna watch Doctor Who?"

John's eyes lit up at the mention of our favourite show. "You didn't watch any without me?"

I wouldn't dare.