The Cascading Waves of Caden Lee

10

"Okay..." I hesitantly sit beside her, stiff-shouldered and looking around awkwardly.

"Don't look so tense." She grins, and reaches into her bra to rummage about for something. "Oh my god," I murmur, looking away and shielding my eyes to give her some sort of privacy.

She hums, "it's fine." And reached out a little baggy to place in my hand. Inside contains three singular pills, two a light greenish-yellowish and the other a faded orange, all round.

"What's this?" I ask, even though I know exactly what this is. I just don't want to admit that she would actually be this bold about it.

"Just something to make things a little more bearable, you don't have to take them, you know." She nods lightly, brushing her soft hair behind her ear and nodding towards the package. "I won't be offended or anything if you don't."

I stammer, "Uhm, okay...but like, what exactly are these?"

"Just some K-Pins, they last awhile and are expensive as hell, but I'm feeling extra nice today."

"Okay, they last awhile, will my mom notice if I'm different or whatever?" I voice my concerns, I'm not as concerned about what will happen to me if I take these pills rather than what my mom will think.

"Oh no, not if you don't say anything." Her fingers grip the package from my hand, "here, I'll take one and then you can decide if you want to after, okay?" She looks at me in approval then nods once and places the round tablet under her tongue.

Silence. My ears start to ring, as if I had just heard a loud crash or boom, but I haven't. I'm sitting in a quiet room with this girl I barely know who's offering me drugs. And after I watch the pill slowly dissolve under her tongue I make my decision.

I grab the orange pill, and inspect it in my fingers as I watch her swish the last bit of the dissolved pill in her mouth than swallow.

"It won't taste bad or anything, right?" I whisper, eyes flickering between the two of us and the supposedly miracle pill. Her laugh is gentle, "of course not. Just minty at most, here, dissolve it under your tongue."

I place the round pill into my mouth and let it sit, "why not just swallow it?"

"It's a waste when you can just do this." And she references to the pill dissolving under my tongue and the slight cooling taste of it invading my senses. It's mellow, not at all what I expected, and it seems to make time stop.

I can feel the moment it kicks in, because one moment I'm tense and completely aware of the girl leaning against my side and the next I have the urge to lay down and stay there forever.

Lea seems to feel the same way, and as we lock eyes a small grin appears on both of our faces. "I can't believe we just did that." I murmur, transfixed on the slope of her nose.

"Me neither," she mutters and stares at me for a second more, until she knocks her head against the wall behind her. She has a clock in her room, and it ticks repeatedly as we lay there for god-knows-how-long.

After what seems like eternity I furrow my brow, "Hey,"

She raises her head slightly, looking at me sluggishly, "Yeah?"

It takes me a minute to collect my words, "Why'd you pick me?"

She blinks owlishly at me for only a moment until she raises a trimmed, blonde brow, "Why'd I pick you?"

I nod, "Yeah."

"Well the same reason as I'd pick anyone else," she shrugs slightly, her fingers twiddling with the ends of her hair slightly, "you looked like you needed it."

My head flops back down onto the duvet, "oh." She hums in understanding and rests her head beside mine, and I don't know if it's the k-pins, or just my impulsive, stupid brain, but I lean over slightly, enough that my eyelashes flutter on her cheek. And I lightly kiss her.

The moment passes before I can register my utter stupidity, because her breath halts and she backs away slightly, "Caden."

I stop, leaning back and widening my eyes, alarmed. "What? What is it? Did I do something wrong?" I quickly land back on my elbows and watch her eyes flicker around the room and mouth twist. "No," she takes a deep breath only to exhale it soon afterward, "it's not you, it's me."

Well, if that isn't the most cliche statement ever.

I huff, laughing a little at what she said before she sits up hurriedly and shakes her head at me, "No, no," she assures, "It's just, I don't like you like that. I'm lesbian, Cade."

It feels like one of those movie moments where the viewers pause in second-hand embarrassment, and I could've drowned for all I cared at that moment, but I must really be mellowed down because I don't find myself caring that much at all. "Okay." I smile and lean back down, not at all phased.

Still resting on her elbows, she murmurs back, "no hard feelings, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah. Of course." I laugh staring at her until she budges and stares at me back. And we don't know each other that well, but something in the air must be hilarious because we both burst into muffled giggles.

"I was not expecting that!" Her voice cracks a little, raspy from cigarette smoke, I assume, and I nod along and cringe at my own actions. Normally I'd be more embarrassed of myself, but right now all I can do is just laugh it off.

"Me neither."

And we're back to staring at the ceiling, muffled music vibrating throughout the room the whole time.

I make my way out of there in 15 minutes flat.