hiccup,
hiccup,
hiccups.
James offers him a gentle smile. "There you are."
Regulus is still shaking his head. "Just this once," his voice breaks, "I wanted to be the one to catch you."
If James is confused he doesn't show it, instead he opens his arms—an invitation. Regulus launches himself forward, surprised to find James so solid. So sturdy. So real. His fingers tangle in James's shirt. He's desperate not to let him go. Heartbroken he has him at all.
"I'm so proud of you," James whispers, kissing the top of Regulus's head. "You were so brave."
"It didn't matter."
"It mattered. Reg, of course it mattered."
A pained noise comes from Regulus's throat as he pulls James closer, like he wants to slip inside his skin. Maybe he can. He hasn't quite figured out the rules of this yet.
"If it had mattered you wouldn't be here."
There's a pause, James's hands running up and down his back. "It mattered," he says. "It mattered to me."
Regulus is sobbing. He doesn't care. He doesn't care anymore. He isn't even real. He isn't even him. He can cry.
"Regulus," James says softly.
"I don't want you to be dead," his words thick, spoken into James's chest. He isn't sure why it still hurts so much. "Fuck I don't want you to be dead."
"Yeah well, I'm not particularly thrilled about you being here either," and then; "You promised Reg."
That feels like a sucker punch, and Regulus actually has to pull back. Recovering from the hit. Finding James's eyes.
James Potter. Looking at him.
Looking.
Looking.
Looking.
It never stops feeling monumental.
"I meant it," Regulus finally manages. "I meant to come back. I swear I did."
Those words drift between them for a moment, setting down roots, growing vines that sneak up their legs, that slip between their ribs. James's hand slides up Regulus's neck, cupping his face.
"I love you."
I love you.
I love you.
Regulus's whole body reacts, quivering under the impact. Eyes fluttering closed.
"Je t'aime."
Since I was eleven.
James's lips press against his.
And he isn't even real.
Isn't even here.
Isn't even him.
But oh how he feels. Warmth filling him up, breaking him open, pulling him apart. It's too much. Too much. And not nearly enough. Everything that's been keeping him in falls away. Regulus is boundless, intertwining with James, the pair of them nothing but ash. Nothing but dust. Nothing but love.
Love.
Love.
The garden disappears.
"Hello?"
Lily steps into her childhood home, all the windows thrown wide open, curtains fluttering in the warm breeze. It's too bright to be able to see anything outside but white light. She pushes cautiously further into the house, vaguely aware of the distant sound of music.
Epilogue
Start from the beginning
