"Oh Lily," she says finally, letting out a deep breath. "I don't want to worry you, it isn't—it really isn't—" her voice cuts out and she looks away for a moment, hand going absentmindedly to the chain around her neck that her wedding ring hangs on. "It's not worth stressing over."
"Okay," Lily says slowly, wishing her stomach would stop feeling like it was trying to squeeze itself out of existence. "Well, if you tell me I promise not to stress about it."
Her mother gives her a wry smile, though it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "I'm not sure either of us believes that."
"I already know something's up mum," she pushes. "I can feel it. I can feel you hiding something from me and it's driving me mad. I'm not a little kid, you can't keep me in the dark. It's not...helpful."
She can see her mother accept the truth of what she's saying.
So she waits.
Waits for her to open her mouth again.
Waits for the other shoe to drop.
Whatever it is, she can handle it. She knows she can. If she just knows what they're up against she'll be able to find a way to deal with it. To fight it. It's the not knowing that's the problem—like having her hands tied behind her back. Once she's free she'll be able to find a solution for whatever it is.
"I went to the doctor after you left for school," Lily just nods, not letting her thoughts run away down the dark hole they so desperately want to. Her mother kisses her teeth. "I have—they found a tumour."
Lily blinks. "A tumour?"
"Yes."
"Where?"
Her mother sighs, rubbing the space between her eyes. "My liver."
Lily nods again, like she has any idea what that means. She's not even sure why she bothered asking "where" when she doesn't know anything about tumours. But the liver seems fairly harmless doesn't it? What does your liver even do? It's not like a brain or a heart or a lung, right? It can't be that bad.
"Okay," Lily says eventually, when her mother doesn't go on. "And did they—have they done—tests or—because all tumours aren't cancer right? I definitely feel like I've read that somewhere. Some are just...lumps."
Her mother gives her a weak smile. "Yes, some are just lumps," and then, "but not this one."
"Oh."
Oh.
For a moment Lily's brain seems to stall. It doesn't have any thoughts or feelings. Like everything in her has suddenly gone blank.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
"Lily?"
And then it starts up again. Going a thousand miles an hour.
"Alright, that's alright. People fight cancer all the time. There are treatments. Are you being treated? How long ago did you find this out? Have you told Petunia? I also think you're supposed to start eating a certain way—like super healthy or whatever—and drink water. I mean, I know that drinking water doesn't cure cancer but I bet it probably helps. What kind of treatment are you getting? What do the doctors say? What's their plan? Are they good doctors? Do we need to get you better doctors? How do you even get better doctors, like where do you go, is there a directory or something? Actually, you don't worry about that, I'll talk to Petunia she'll know. You just need to rest and eat healthy food and drink water and—"
"Lily, Lily darling stop. Breathe. You need to breathe."
"I am breathing."
"Lily."
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Start from the beginning
