Miles apart (Man × Man) ✔

33) t r i g g e r e d

Then Miles turned on his heels and locked himself into the bathroom. Soon they could hear the water running. Ash didn't like the idea of Miles being alone right then, but he couldn't exactly leave Benjamin to take care of Eli and the mess in the apartment either. 

Once Benjamin was done dressing the cut, he took Eli to the living room. Eli hadn't said a word yet, and he had a faraway gaze in his eyes when he lay down on the couch. Benjamin sat on the edge of the couch, and brushed his fingertips along the ruddy spot on Eli's jaw. There would be a bruise by tomorrow, and it must have come when Benjamin wrestled him against the tile floor. 

Ash hid the sharp objects and knives at the back of a cupboard, wrapped in a cloth. Then he cleaned the last traces of blood from the kitchen surfaces and sat at the other end of the couch. Eli had already dozed off, but Benjamin was still brushing his hair and staring at him with sorrowful eyes.

"Will he be okay?" Ash whispered, keeping his voice low to not wake Eli.

"Yeah.. I just thought we were past this already. I know there's no cure for PTSD, but he has been doing so well for so long." Benjamin whispered back. "I really don't know what could have triggered him like that."

"It's not just the alcohol, Miles didn't —" Ash began.

"I know. I'll tell him how sorry I am first thing tomorrow." Benjamin promised. He rubbed his eyes and stifled a yawn, reminding Ash how late it was.

"Get some sleep now. We'll talk tomorrow." Ash patted Benjamin's shoulder before getting up.

Miles was already sleeping, or pretending to be, when Ash laid down on the bed next to him. Ash slung a protective arm over him, staring at his profile in the dimly lit room. He was certain he wouldn't get any sleep, when the adrenaline was still bumping in his blood.

Things could have gone wrong in about a million ways: Eli could have cut deeper and bled to death there in the middle of their kitchen, he could have accidentally stabbed Miles when they struggled for the knife, Benjamin could have gotten hurt when he came to help,.. It had been way too close, and so entirely unexpected. 

Ash scooted closer to Miles, breathing in the familiar scent of his body wash. Even the thought of anything happening to Miles was enough to stall Ash's breath, to twist his stomach in tight knots. Ash didn't know what he would do if he lost Eli or Benjamin, but losing Miles was too dreadful a thing to even think about. When Eliana was gone, he would need Miles even more than he already did.

Ash tossed around in the bed for what felt like an eternity, but at some point he must have fallen asleep, because he found the bed empty when he opened his eyes. He sat up, pushing his hair back from his face.

The floor felt chilly under his bare feet, when he walked across the shadowy bedroom to the bathroom. He took a brief hot shower, before cloaking himself in a thick layer of clothes. Miles was making breakfast: fried eggs, bacon and a variety of fruits and berries.

"Morning." Ash murmured and hugged Miles from behind.

"I washed the pan after frying the bacon, and I'll still have to make the coffee, and the eggs might be cold already, but.." Miles started rambling, parting from the hug and getting busy with the coffee machine. Just as he was done, Benjamin walked into the kitchen, his black hair a tangled mess from sleep.

"I thought I smelled something." Benjamin said and yawned, eyeing the breakfast feast on the table. Then he tilted his head to look at Miles, to continue: "Hey, I'm sorry for blaming you. I really didn't mean any of it. Of course I know it wasn't your fault, I was just beside myself. I'm sorry."

"Yeah." Miles muttered, still unable to meet his friend's gaze.

The breakfast was awkward, filled with long silences. Normally Miles and Eli would have kept the conversation going, but Eli was still sleeping and Miles wasn't in the mood for talking. In fact, all he did was poke his breakfast with his fork and stare down at his plate listlessly. 

"I'm calling in sick today." Benjamin made a decision. "I don't think Prisca will take Eli in when he's like this, and I'm not leaving him alone just yet."

"Oh, okay, sure." Miles mustered a smile on his lips, when he glanced up at Benjamin. Then he stood up and took his untouched plate to the sink. "I should probably get going then." 

Ash glanced at Benjamin, who was staring back at him with knitted brows and troubled eyes. When Miles disappeared into the hallway, Benjamin started getting up, but Ash gestured to him to stay and followed after Miles instead.

"Hey, talk to me." Ash whispered to Miles and seized his wrist to keep him from running away. Slowly Miles met his gaze, eyes brimming with tears.

"It's nothing, okay? I need to go to work." Miles mumbled and picked his jacket with his free hand.

"It's not nothing." Ash told him firmly. He hesitated for a moment before adding: "I know you're angry at Benjamin, but he already feels bad about it, so.."

"I'm not angry at him." Miles breathed, shaking his head. He pulled his wrist free and put on the jacket. Then he tilted up his chin, looking at Ash defiantly. "He was right about everything. I almost got Eli killed, so tell me how I'm supposed to act normally around Benjamin now? I'm not angry at him, I'm angry at myself."

"No, it's not.." Ash began, reaching for Miles who took a step back and yanked the door open. His eyes were wide and pained, when he turned on his heels and stomped out of the door. 

"Miles, don't.." Ash tried again, but the rest of his words trailed off when the door swayed shut in front of him.