We're Just Friends

Chapter Three

I don't look at Alex. "Sounds good!"

That night my dreams were haunted by Alex's rough voice cursing and saying my name, my brain repeating it over and over for me to be tortured to. If I never hear that voice again, surely I was horrible in a past life, to deserve such pain. The result of what I dreamed about wasn't helped by the fact that Alex had taken on an extremely possessive role throughout the night. He practically sat in my lap during the movie, and paid little to no attention to the screen, opting instead to play with my hand. I could tell his mind was far from the living room, in the lazy way he played with my fingers, and the lax expressionless look on his face.

After the movie had ended, Joe said goodnight and headed up to the guest room, calling it an early night. My heart had started to race, thinking of all the possibilities of what could happen now that Alex and I were alone again, at least somewhat. Eventually Alex's hands stilled on mine, noticing that the movie had ended and his uncle was gone. I waited patiently for Alex to say something, anything, growing more and more anxious as each second passed. Then he looked at me, and the breath was knocked from my lungs in the most painful way possible.

A soft smile had broken out across his face, almost shy, and my heart clenched with a warm and fuzzy feeling. It was almost annoying how one look from him was like breathing in; it was what made life worth living. God, I was so far gone for Alex it wasn't even remotely funny. Surprisingly, I wasn't expecting what he would say next, despite it being commonplace in this house, and with us.

"Stardew?" He looked so hopeful, and I knew then that if he ever asked me anything while looking like that I would be completely helpless to him.

So that's how I ended up in his bed, playing a video game we had played a hundred times before, in positions we had been in a hundred times before, with the faint feeling that this was all new.

I must have fallen asleep while playing, because I don't remember saving and quitting the game, or even putting it away, but I do remember waking up and feeling hot and overwhelmed for the second time in a row. Thankfully this time I didn't seem to wake up Alex, but that hadn't stopped him from cuddling up against me at some point in the middle of the night, his head resting on my chest, his legs tangled with mine, and one of his arms laying gently across my torso. One of my arms had ended up under his neck, pressed against his back, and the other was holding his hand across my torso. I felt like crying. He was so close and so far at the same time. I honestly had thought that I'd be awake thinking about it for a long time, but I must have been more tired than I thought, because the next time I woke up it was for a very different reason. Alex was shaking in my arms, twitching along the length of his body, and making small noises. It had woken me suddenly, so it took me a moment to realise that my shirt under his face was wet with tears. Alex was having a nightmare. He hasn't had one in a while.

Letting go of his hand, I turned on to my side and pulled him closer into my arms, rubbing his back soothingly. I brought my head down to rest on his shoulder, and pushed one of my legs between his. In his sleep, he wrapped his arms tightly around my back, gripping my shirt tightly. He was still shaking. I wasn't really paying attention, but started whispering random things in his ears. It started off with random facts, obscure video game information and trivia about different breeds of dogs; just the first things that came to mind. At some point it devolved into me whispering soft reassuring praises in his ear. If he were awake, I would be blushing at how loving I was being, but I took reassurance in the fact that he wasn't conscious. Soon enough his breathing evened out, and he stopped shaking. Just to be sure, I kept rubbing his back, going down his spine and up to his neck, tracing circles along the way.

When I pulled back to lay down properly again, I noticed two things. One, Alex was breathing differently than he normally did when he was asleep, and two, his eyes were open.

Oh fuck.

We were still close, our noses almost brushing, just staring at each other. I wasn't sure how long he had been awake for, or maybe he had woken up from his nightmare like I had woken from my dream last night. We just stayed there for a moment, studying each other's faces, drinking in the moment. My face started to heat up with the realisation of the words I whispered hitting me in full force. I made to pull back completely and turn away, but in one smooth moment Alex's hand slid up to grip the back of my neck, sending shivers up my spine, and with a sharp intake of breath, kissed me.

He didn't give me a chance to panic, which I would have, keeping me pressed to him and holding me close. Slowly I started to push back into him, embracing him, and he shuddered and groaned, kissing me so thoroughly it left me breathless. He pushed me onto my back and swung his leg over my hip to keep me pinned down. It was probably the hottest thing I've ever seen Alex do. He stared at me, the hunger back in his eyes, his hand splayed across my jaw and neck, keeping me right under his thumb, right where I've always been.

"Fuck, Cal," he grit out, saying those words that had sent me into a spiral just hours ago. Those wonderfully ruinous magical words. I must have made some reaction, because although it seemed like he had more to say, he leaned down and pressed our lips together again, swallowing me whole. I knew right then and there that I would do anything for him, anything and everything, so long as he kissed me like this forever.

We kept on like that for ages, slow and close, the way we've always been. Alex pulled back slowly, breathing just as hard as I was, not going very far. I chased after him, and he laughed, pulling just out of my reach. "Wait, just," he was still catching his breath, but the thought of me being the reason he was so breathless just made me want to pull him back down to meet me. "Just wait a second. God, Cal, you drive me crazy." I grinned and pulled him down to meet me. He came willingly.

"I love you, Alex Edwards. I'm never going to let you leave my side." The corners of his eyes crinkled just like how I loved, and he leaned down to kiss me again.

"I love you, Cal Edmonds, Good luck getting rid of me," The room was filled with the sound of our quiet laughing, the sound of cloth rustling, and then the slow steady breathing of two boys fast asleep.

Whoever told you being in love was easy has never actually been in love. Love is painful, love is heartaches, and most importantly, love fucking rocks.