I'm Normally Perfect (re-upload)

Chapter Sixty-Four

I only grunted in acknowledgement—too lost in my surprise over Rita knowing about us to form an opinion about the sociological and cultural impact of a person's sexual mores.

I was soon distracted by the realisation that we would be home shortly, as we flew into Gatwick my stomach leapt at the sight of the country. We disembarked and I began really missing the dogs. I'd had pangs of missing them occasionally during the holiday, but had been distracted by everything else that I hadn't had much time to think on it. Once we were again in the country it hit me full force how much I'd missed the little fur balls.

When we finally drew up outside the house I wanted to run in straightaway and snuggle them, but was stopped by Thailia at the kitchen door. From the expression on her face I thought perhaps something had happened to one of them.

I asked, terrified, 'What's wrong?'

'I'm sorry, Catherine. I tried to get in touch with you, but the number was wrong.'

My stomach dropped a few inches. 'Oh, God, what?'

She shook her head slowly, 'Your grandmother died.' I just stood there and she added, 'Last week. I called the number on your list, but it wasn't working.' I couldn't speak and nodded, not understanding what was going on. Noni was perfectly fine.

Alex appeared at my side, lugging a huge case. She looked from one to the other of us and asked, 'Oh, God, what's happened?'

I said from a million miles away, 'Noni died.'

Alex asked, 'What?' Thailia explained about the number and Alex said, 'I checked it twice.'

'I'm so sorry.'

Alex shook her head, 'No, no, it's not your fault. Did they say why? What happened?'

'I didn't ask. I'm really sorry, Catherine.'

I said softly, 'It's all right.' I thought perhaps I would stand there for the rest of my life, as I seemed to have forgotten how to use my legs. Alex asked Thailia to stay for a while and taking my arm, led me upstairs, where I sat at the edge of the bed. I don't know how long I sat there, staring in the direction of the floor before Alex returned with several of our bags and sat beside me.

'Sweetheart,' when I didn't respond she asked, 'Would you like to ring your parents?'

That was the thing. I didn't want to. Noni had been the only person in my family I'd had anything to say to. We hadn't corresponded in some time, but somewhere deep down I thought that we'd make it up eventually—that she'd see that Alex and I were good for one another, that Alex had healed me or that she'd realise I was my own person, a grown up. I didn't understand how she could simply not be on the planet any more. She must be—she was thousands of miles away, but surely alive and walking around. Had she had another bout with cancer? That was inconceivable—certainly she would have told me something like.

'Catherine?'

'What?'

'Would you like to ring your parents?'

'Not particularly.'

'Who else could you call?'

'No one.' I felt as if my last connection to the States had been severed. Alex sat with me for a while and then said she was going to make something for dinner. I wasn't hungry, but hadn't the energy to say so. After what felt like five minutes Alex returned with a tray and I went through the motions of eating. Fork into vegetables, fork into mouth, chew until tiny bits, swallow, repeat. Once that was done I undressed and got into bed whilst Alex did the washing up. I couldn't make myself believe that Lila Gardener was no longer breathing and that she hadn't been for a week. I should have known it, felt it.