I'm Normally Perfect (re-upload)

Chapter Sixty-Four

I liked staying in the Petrenkos' little flat—it made me feel as if I lived there rather than just visiting. The only thing that was a bit unnerving was how close I felt we were to her family—physically, I mean. I suppose one gets used to those sorts of things, but I was accustomed to being alone with Alex—no one for miles—so to suddenly have to worry about someone overhearing us was a new experience. A new experience I didn't care for. One evening as we were getting comfortable in bed and it was becoming apparent that Alex was interested in a bit more than just cuddling I froze.

She whispered, 'What's the matter?'

'I can't.'

She withdrew her hand from my stomach, 'Oh, God, I'm sorry.'

I laughed softly, 'Not that. I'm fine.' I'd had some bad moments where when we were close I would suddenly remember what happened when I was younger and would go away on the inside. Usually Alex could sense it and would just hold me and tell me it was all right and I'd have to focus on the fact that she was the one touching me and look into her eyes, but sometimes I got very upset. The more we were together the less that happened, it was like every time was a layer of good on the bad putting more and more space between my past and the present—muffling how much of the bad I still felt. I whispered, 'It's not...I can't...' I was embarrassed about it. I felt immature not being able to be with her simply because someone else was in the house.

She asked, 'Are you on your period? You know I don't care.'

I nearly laughed out loud at that. 'No. You're...Rita and Sergei might hear.' The truth was: I really didn't mind if Rita did, but I wasn't crazy over Sergei listening in.

She smiled, 'Oh. They're two doors away. You're not that loud, sweetheart.' She grinned, 'Not usually anyway.' I blushed and drew the duvet up over my nose. She smiled and tugged it down, 'It's all right, we don't have to, though it can be fun trying to be quiet.' As she kissed her way beneath the bedclothes I giggled and drew a pillow over my face.

Next morning at breakfast I was worried over whether or not they knew and studied her cousins' faces as surreptitiously as I could. I wasn't being as covert as I thought, though, because at one point Rita asked, 'Do I have something on my face?'

'No...You...look very much like Alex.'

She smiled, her teeth were different from Alex's perfectly straight set in that her canines were pushed a bit forward. She was also a few years younger than Alex, though she looked like Alex now rather than what she'd looked like when she was actually Rita's age, if that makes any sense. She said, 'Thank you. You remind me of my niece Anastasia. You have Russian colouring.' Sergei seconded that opinion and I was proud of that, just as I had been in Scotland when I was mistaken for a native.

I grinned, 'Thanks. I mean, thank you.'

She laughed, 'I speak some English.' I grinned, embarrassed and she patted my hand.

After they'd gone off to work Alex said, 'My cousin likes you.'

'That's good. I mean, it's nice to have made a good impression.' The truth was, it was nice to have made a good impression on someone who so reminded me of the person I loved. It was odd talking to someone who looked so much like Alex. My English teacher had resembled her, but only on paper: same hair and eye colour, same height and style of dress. This woman looked just like my love. Same eye shape (though her eyes were a darker green)...same mouth. The last bit was the most difficult to get over. She had the same petal shaped bottom lip that Alex had. I found myself wanting to kiss her, which confused me greatly.

As we were walking in the park near the end of our trip Alex asked if anything was the matter. I said, 'This whole being-in-a-relationship thing is new to me, you know.'