Genshin Impact One Shots

7 Months to 0 (Angst)

❗️❗️Trigger Warning for reference su1c1d3, s//h, and main character death. IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO ANY OF THESE TOPICS PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER.❗️❗️

  A/n: I wrote this while I was close to a relapse. Currently as I'm writing I'm Seven months clean, that may soon turn into zero months clean again. So this is just pure Kazuha angst since I kin him (this is entirely self indulgent and based off of my own mental problems) :>

  It trailed down his arm and dropped to the floor. In his eyes he deserved it, in its own way Kazuha saw it as poetic. The lines left behind as the blood ran down his arm and onto the wooden planks of his room. He cursed himself. He knew it was foolish. Yet he did it anyway. But he couldn't blame himself. He was pushed too far, it became too much. It was always too much.

  Sensitive, they used to called him. Poetic, they had praised him back then. Criminal, freak, outlaw, runaway, disgrace. Words carved into his head by the people of his nation. He ended his family's dying dynasty. And revived the backlash for it. Their smiles turned into anger. His friendships dying with that vision.

  Seven months ago he made a promise. Seven months ago Beidou found him out. Seven months ago he swore never to do it again. Kazuha almost laughed. He couldn't even keep a promise. His head screamed for more. Screams and yelled. But he was frozen. His arm hurt like hell, anytime something brushed it. Kazuha just reapplied the bandage to his hand and went on like normal.

  Sure he flinched when doing tasks around the boat but would anyone notice? Not really. He didn't react much to that anymore. It was... A normal feeling to put it lightly. Both emotional and physical pain no longer had a vice grip on him. Almost as if he lost all feeling.

  And he should have. The past events of his life should have left him wrung dry of all feeling. But it didn't. He still felt like a human does. Still breathed still ate, yet nothing he did made him feel human. He felt almost robotic. Just a passerby in the world, in his life. 

  It drove him mad. His mind would spiral into the blackest depths of his mind. Dark spirals of words flowed through him. He stared at his arms in disgust. Regret, misery, and nothing. Just a dull ache. He couldn't register his actions yet he could at the same time.

  He knew how to make knots. He knew three taught line hitches made a noose. They warned him against it. Said they only told him so he knew not to do it. But they played a fool. His mind flashed with memories he wanted to forget as he broke down into the floor. Brought to his knees by the overwhelming guilt.

  Beidou's sad motherly gaze looking at him when she walked in. Her hands quickly wrapping his arms in bandages as she told stories to make him laugh. The promise they made, the one he broke twice before. The good ones he didn't want to relive again.

  But then there were the horrible memories. The ones buried deep so he would stay safe. The ones he longed to permanently forget so he didn't feel the shame. That day at Tenshukaku, Tomo, the vision hunt decree.

  Kazuha cried. He slumped over his body, arms folded over his chest as he shook. But nobody would hear. The crew was away for the day. He opted to stay for personal reasons but.. Kazuha regretted not going with.

  He wished it was over. That his pain would end. That he could meet Tomo again. His best friend, no, his lover. He wanted to see Tomo's face again, happy and blissful. Like the nights they shared together under the stars.

  But it was all gone. And he couldn't get it back no matter how much he reached. Kazuha gripped his sword. The same blade that made the lacerations on his arms. He gripped it in his hands as he held it to his stomach.

  Then he dropped it. The sword clattered to the floor as Kazuha just sat, motionless. He couldn't bring himself to do it. He just couldn't. He would cause more people to be in pain. He would become more of a hinderance, a problem. He couldn't brother people more.

  Kazuha still wished to end it. To drive his blade through his stomach to finish the job the Shogun couldn't. But he would disappoint Beidou again. He didn't want to do that. She was too kind to him. He couldn't waste it like that.

  The night fell. Kazuha didn't tell a soul what he did. He laid on his bed, curled in the sheets. But as he started to drift off to sleep. The boat rocked, and thunder roared. There was no way he could sleep now. A storm was among them.

  Sighing in defeat Kazuha peeled himself out of bed and walked onto the main deck. The raid poured and trashed against the wood. Members of the crew struggled to raise the sails as Beidou ran around helping to the best she could.

  Another wave knocked into the boat and threw Kazuha into the railing. The wind was knocked out of his lungs as he coughed and heaved. His body begging for air. Beidou rushed to Kazuha, a boy she considered a son, in a panic.

  He looked up at her and smiled bitterly. Another flash of lightning, and another wave, slamming into the boat. Kazuha was thrown overboard. And deep into the foaming water.

  But he did not resist. He did not fight back even as his lungs burned for air. His brain mor body willed to move. To swim to the surface. He resigned to the fate he was given. It was almost over. He would be freed. Kazuha smiled. His pain would be gone. It was over.

  By the time the crew managed to fish him back into the Alcor it was too late. Wet hair splayed across his lifeless face. Eyes closed, and forever eteched into his face was a smile. Beidou let our a scream nobody thought she could hold. She hugged his body in desperation, begging for him to breathe. To come back to life.

  Too far gone. Kazuha was dead. There was nothing she could do. Beidou retreated to her quarters as she orders for them to chart a new course to Liyue..

  

               Kazuha's final resting place. On his tombstone was read;

  Kaedehara Kazuha, the best son his mothers could ask for. And a Boy too far lost to be saved. XXXX - XXX

   A/N - Some tissues for you my friend.

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