Floating

Chapter Seven

A few quiet days passed.

You weren’t sure if Bucky was waiting for you to reach out, or if he’d just completely lost interest now that you’d openly added emotions into the mix, but either way it really fucking sucked. His silence spoke volumes that you weren’t sure you were ready to hear.

The weekend came around and you were hanging in your apartment with Nat, halfway through a movie when her phone started to vibrate on the coffee table. Her face immediately scrunched up when she checked who it was. She said she’d just be a minute, pausing the TV before hurrying into her room, a move that made slight concern rise in your chest. She was never usually cagey like that around you.

A few minutes later, you heard her stomping back down the corridor. Swivelling your head in the direction of the sound, you almost had to do a double-take, cause you swore you’d never seen her look so pissed.

‘Everything alright?’

‘Unbelievable.’ She muttered to herself before flopping back down on the couch, turning to face you with slight redness rising in her cheeks. ‘Remember how you wanted to sleep with Steve’s friend, Bucky?’

Just the mention of his name made all the hairs on the back of your neck jump up. ‘Vaguely…’

‘And how I told you he hypnotises women, like when he fucked over my high school friend?’

‘Mhmm.’

‘That was her. She saw him again last night, apparently. Such an idiot.’

Your heart sank.

All the breath instantly left your lungs like you’d been punched in the gut, every ounce of emotional strength you had left kicking into overdrive in an attempt to hide your distress from Nat.

‘You mean they...?’

‘I assume so. I mean, that’s what he does, gets his claws in then fucks off.’ She shrugged, letting out a deep sigh before grabbing the remote and pressing play. ‘I’ll meet up with her soon, try talking some sense into her again. Feels like I spend my life picking up the pieces behind that fucking asshole.’

You just nodded, too caught up in your racing thoughts to appreciate the immense irony of that statement.

It was a struggle to keep yourself together while sitting through the rest of the movie, but you didn’t want to arouse any suspicion, so you just about managed to wait it out before retreating to your bedroom.

You sunk onto the edge of your bed, and everything just felt flat. An ending of this nature was always inevitable, there was never any doubt about that, but you never anticipated just how much it would hurt having that tiny ounce of hope decisively snuffed out. As much as you’d tried convince yourself otherwise, you knew full well there’d always been a delusional corner of your mind that was convinced Bucky felt the same about you.

Now, it was stinging. 

You lowered yourself sideways, squeezing your eyes closed and hugging your arms across your chest. As you fell into a brittle, fractured sleep, one thought lingered in your mind, taunting you right up until your last second of consciousness.

Nat had been right all along.

---

You felt like you were simply going through the motions of life for the days following that conversation. You were on autopilot, somehow managing to maintain your schedule while remaining firmly locked inside your own head.

You’d get over it with time but, for now, you were just numb.

Bucky did finally try to call, but you let him go to voicemail every time, deleting any messages he left without listening. You figured all he could do was tell the truth about having moved on or lie and claim he missed you, neither had any value to you at this point.